Well, you guys were right ...

I got sucked in .... I knew I would, I knew I'd get close, I knew I'd fall all over again. Now I don't know where I stand. I don't know what I feel, I don't know what I want to feel. No, I do know what I want to feel. I want to feel safe and loved. I can't have that ... not now anyway. Its not that he doesn't love me, he does .... We just can't move forward, not yet anyway. He's a wonderful man, don't get me wrong .... its apparently just not in the cards right now ...

I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself ... I got a new do today ... My Dr said I was fine (since I didn't share before, we thought I may have had something going on with a bit of an irregular heart beat, but according to the dr, its from stress and lack of sleep, that the entire time he listened to my heart, all was good and he listened for about 2 minutes) ... I called another guy friend of mine (no worries about getting attached to him ... he's younger, I don't do younger) he's taking his breakup pretty hard, I'm talking to him a little here and there to get his and my mind off of crap ...

I'm glad to be done with Dennis, but hate the way he treats me and Luke now .... its like neither of us exist. I don't understand that. If I'm screwing him, then he talks or at least says hello, but when I'm not, when I appear to be happy even without him he can't have anything to do with either of us.