Lately

Where to begin...

David and I ... will never be more than email friends if that... I will never go out there again.

D and I ... well, I've finally got him completely out of my mind as well. In talking, I asked if things were ever going to change... he said probably not. FINALLY, the truth from his mouth... Such a weight feels as if its been lifted.

I've started receiving voluntary child support from him. $100 every payday ($200/month) better than what I was getting.

Time to focus on Me and the boys and make us the priority... No waiting around for anyone, no being afraid of saying the right or wrong thing, nothing... when we want to go somewhere, we're not going to have to worry if D is going to stop by. If he comes to see the boys, fine, if we're here, he can see them, if we're not, oh well.

Told him that if he wants to see the boys, call, if they aren't busy, they are more than welcome to go over. He says, just have them call me when they want to come over. I told him they always call, he can pick up the phone from time to time as well.

I got a little aggravated with him the last time we spoke. Austin is taking Accelerated Courses in school, one if I pay $300 he gets 5 college credits for. D asked me 'why is he taking such hard courses? why isn't he taking what normal high school kids are taking' My response was 'because he's smart' Well he said, what will he do when he gets to college. He shouldnt be taking such hard stuff now. I said ... when he gets to college, he'll take HARDER courses and he'll become something in life. He working in a factory.... He'll be doing WHAT HE WANTS!! And as far as the courses that 'everyone else takes in high school' HE ALREADY KNOWS THE STUFF, WHY SKATE THRU!! OMG I was livid. Austin has a plan and goals. He's making every effort to achieve these and I'm very proud of him for taking the steps to become the man he wants to be. He's very determined ... and I know in my heart, he's going to get everything out of life that he wants.

Luke, my sweet sweet talker of a boy is dong pretty good in school as well. He's just as sharp as his older brother, but doesn't have the drive and determination yet that Austin did at this age. Two different boys I know, but so alike in so many ways.

Luke and I talked about school, he's gotten in trouble a few times for talking in class and its only been 2 full weeks of back to school. He knows mouth shut ears open so he can learn. He tried telling me he couldn't learn how to spell the word 'BECAUSE' when I told him mouth shut ears open and listen to what I'm telling him so he can learn to spell this, he sat back and said to me after he SPELLED it within a few minutes, he says 'Mom, that really worked, you are a good speller' LOVE LOVE LOVE that little talker boy.

More later.... work calls.

Mind Games

and now let the mind games begin....

Get a text ... you have mail

Check Mail ... tree down on fence, letting calves out, we'll see what happens.

I respond, if there is a tree down on the fence, is it such a good idea to let the calves out?

Couple days later, I send: Hope you are doing well, havent heard from you. Your decision to not talk.

Yesterday get a text: you have mail
Him: You are the one mad at me, I'm not mad at you.
Me: I'm not mad, I'm upset with the way you were acting and your total lack of disrespect for me. (and I gave all the examples from the previous post)
Him: it was 2 freekin beers. you have no idea how much pain I am in and I hope you never experience it
Me: you are right, I have no idea how much pain you are in, and don't know if you don't tell me.

another text: you have mail
Him: something about God..... when you are at peace with God you are at peace with others....
Me: What is this supposed to mean?

Later on....
Him: You will not be hearing from me by text or email any more.
Me: Take Care
Him: Your decision not mine.....
Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??


Austin says good... I'm glad he's gone.

What is my problem?? can't even keep a single man around. F*$%K!!

Over - Reacting??

Last night I went to see him by myself... first time being alone since we started speaking. Should have been a good time... right?? not so much.

He wanted dinner, but didn't have anything there, I offered to pick something else, he wanted something that wasn't on the way there. SO... to be able to spend some time together, I went to get him so we could run out to get KFC.

I get there, he says, Ok, let me shut off the computer and shut the windows incase of rain, I said ok, no problem. He comes back out with 3 beers in hand. I asked why, he said for the road. I said no, thats not a good idea. My reasons as follows: 1. he's on probabtion, not supposed to have alcohol. 2. Drinking in my car would be considered me having open container... I don't want to get in trouble for that. He insists that he take the beer after stomping inside and pouting like a baby. I go in and tell him lets just go. He takes 2 with him. (I thought maybe I could keep him from drinking them if I talked to him and kept talking while we drove) NOPE

I hid one... he got pissed and reached for the shifter, said he'd push it into reverse while we were driving 55mph down the road... NICE. Needless to say, I stopped the car and handed him his beer and told him to knock it off, he threatened to walk back home. (should have said start walking, but I didn't)

We finally get to highway to get to where we are going (I didn't tell Austin where I was going just that I was going for a drive, didn't want any crap) Anyway, I ask David to stay quiet. does he? No, while Austin is asking me if he and luke can go bowling and that I have his bowling balls, David pipes up with he has balls..... nice. classy....

Get to Sullivan, he has finished beer #1. I order dinner (of course he wont' tell what he wants, just keeps being stupid about if there will be biscuits with the dinner). I pay, we get the food and we head back... he wants to take the long way back, ok fine, we go that way.... whatever... He says "roll down the window so I can throw out this beer can" I told him no, thats littering, again, baby fit, says people collect cans off the side of the road and helps them make a living, so therefore its not littering.... REALLY... WOULD THE COPS FIND THIS LOGICAL??? proceeds to throw the can out the window... (finishes 2nd beer and proceeds to do the same)

The ENTIRE TIME we're together, every couple of seconds I'm asked if we are having sex tonight... or told, we're having sex tonight.... to which I said, ummm... not happening.... not till its right and me being upset about the way this 51 year old is acting, isn't the right time for sex.

We get back to the house, he's still talking sex....fixes his plate, eats and goes to lay down on the couch, asking me to lay on him... no.... goes to sleep.... I woke him to tell him I was leaving, he says ok, if you see the dog, let him in. didn't get up to walk me out, nothing.

I feel like I'm over reacting, but I'm irritated... I haven't said anything to him... I don't want to fight. I just think its a little on the childish side.

Good we have not moved past friends.