it wasn't a date....

It really wasn't a date... I just met him and talked at a public place.... right? not a date?

Ok, Katie asked to tell her about David....

• David is the twin brother of a good friend of mine


• He and I had dated twice before (once about 20 years ago and again 10 years ago)


• He is 51 years old (to my 41 almost 42)


• He has 4 other sisters, 2 of which were also twins. (6 kids total, 2 sets of twins)


• The first time we dated it was amazing... we never fought, we got along so well, hung out with his family, went camping, he bought a 2nd horse then so I could ride with him....

It didn't work then because I was also seeing the boys dad. Even though I tried to end things with the boys Dad, there was this hold that I just couldn't shake.... I had to choose between the two... Dennis worked and held down a job/David didn't ... was looking at stability then.... Dennis seemed to make more sense, seemed safer... why? I don't know... thats just what my heart/head told me. Maybe its because deep inside I felt as if I didn't deserve to be happy, I don't know... I still feel that way.

• fast forward 10 years, he called out of the blue, wanted to see me. Austin and I met him at the park, Austin played we talked, we had a good time. I ended things with Dennis. tried to make things work with David. David drank (a lot) and he didn't trust me... and why would he, I hurt him pretty bad when I chose Dennis over him... David and I dated for about a month (if that) ... he never wanted to see my house, and always dogged me about Dennis. Non stop no trust and bickering between the two of us. I didn't like who I was when I was with him at that time. We split up, I stayed alone for another couple months and Dennis and I started talking again....

You already know Dennis and I have been on again off again. He tells me he wants to be with me, and it never happens. Many Many years of yes I love you ... but....

• David and I have emailed back and forth for the last few years, sending jokes, nothing serious, nothing committed.... just forwards from other people. Last week he emailed that he wishes I would come back....

So thats where I am....

No clue what will happen... I have not seen Dennis in over a month, except for at the bowling alley. Not one on one. No talking between us about us.

I don't want David to get the wrong idea, that I'm back ... because I'm not back. I just met him and talked.

He also told me that before, it was the alcohol that caused the trust issues between us, that he had stopped drinking (except on occasion, like watching a ball game) he had 3 beers while watching the game... is that to much, I don't know... just makes me nervous. He's going to church every week and has his ideas of religion, and he downs Catholics, which bothers me since I was raised Catholic. For example, he said that his nephew had gotten married to this girl he met in the bar and that she drank to much, and throws in about how she was catholic. I said to him, what does Catholic have to do with anything and he said something about those catholics like to drink. What I should have said was 'does that make you catholic' but I didn't..... I just said whatever and catholicism had nothing to do with their failed marriage.

Lots to think about....

I made it clear that we were friends.... and thats how I introduced to my friends.

Time will tell.... one day at a time is how this has got to go......