Hyka's Mess

Lately

2011-08-29T09:08:00.002-05:00

Where to begin...

David and I ... will never be more than email friends if that... I will never go out there again.

D and I ... well, I've finally got him completely out of my mind as well. In talking, I asked if things were ever going to change... he said probably not. FINALLY, the truth from his mouth... Such a weight feels as if its been lifted.

I've started receiving voluntary child support from him. $100 every payday ($200/month) better than what I was getting.

Time to focus on Me and the boys and make us the priority... No waiting around for anyone, no being afraid of saying the right or wrong thing, nothing... when we want to go somewhere, we're not going to have to worry if D is going to stop by. If he comes to see the boys, fine, if we're here, he can see them, if we're not, oh well.

Told him that if he wants to see the boys, call, if they aren't busy, they are more than welcome to go over. He says, just have them call me when they want to come over. I told him they always call, he can pick up the phone from time to time as well.

I got a little aggravated with him the last time we spoke. Austin is taking Accelerated Courses in school, one if I pay $300 he gets 5 college credits for. D asked me 'why is he taking such hard courses? why isn't he taking what normal high school kids are taking' My response was 'because he's smart' Well he said, what will he do when he gets to college. He shouldnt be taking such hard stuff now. I said ... when he gets to college, he'll take HARDER courses and he'll become something in life. He working in a factory.... He'll be doing WHAT HE WANTS!! And as far as the courses that 'everyone else takes in high school' HE ALREADY KNOWS THE STUFF, WHY SKATE THRU!! OMG I was livid. Austin has a plan and goals. He's making every effort to achieve these and I'm very proud of him for taking the steps to become the man he wants to be. He's very determined ... and I know in my heart, he's going to get everything out of life that he wants.

Luke, my sweet sweet talker of a boy is dong pretty good in school as well. He's just as sharp as his older brother, but doesn't have the drive and determination yet that Austin did at this age. Two different boys I know, but so alike in so many ways.

Luke and I talked about school, he's gotten in trouble a few times for talking in class and its only been 2 full weeks of back to school. He knows mouth shut ears open so he can learn. He tried telling me he couldn't learn how to spell the word 'BECAUSE' when I told him mouth shut ears open and listen to what I'm telling him so he can learn to spell this, he sat back and said to me after he SPELLED it within a few minutes, he says 'Mom, that really worked, you are a good speller' LOVE LOVE LOVE that little talker boy.

More later.... work calls.

Mind Games

2011-05-31T08:03:00.002-05:00

and now let the mind games begin....

Get a text ... you have mail

Check Mail ... tree down on fence, letting calves out, we'll see what happens.

I respond, if there is a tree down on the fence, is it such a good idea to let the calves out?

Couple days later, I send: Hope you are doing well, havent heard from you. Your decision to not talk.

Yesterday get a text: you have mail
Him: You are the one mad at me, I'm not mad at you.
Me: I'm not mad, I'm upset with the way you were acting and your total lack of disrespect for me. (and I gave all the examples from the previous post)
Him: it was 2 freekin beers. you have no idea how much pain I am in and I hope you never experience it
Me: you are right, I have no idea how much pain you are in, and don't know if you don't tell me.

another text: you have mail
Him: something about God..... when you are at peace with God you are at peace with others....
Me: What is this supposed to mean?

Later on....
Him: You will not be hearing from me by text or email any more.
Me: Take Care
Him: Your decision not mine.....
Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

Austin says good... I'm glad he's gone.

What is my problem?? can't even keep a single man around. F*$%K!!

Over - Reacting??

2011-05-26T15:47:00.002-05:00

Last night I went to see him by myself... first time being alone since we started speaking. Should have been a good time... right?? not so much.

He wanted dinner, but didn't have anything there, I offered to pick something else, he wanted something that wasn't on the way there. SO... to be able to spend some time together, I went to get him so we could run out to get KFC.

I get there, he says, Ok, let me shut off the computer and shut the windows incase of rain, I said ok, no problem. He comes back out with 3 beers in hand. I asked why, he said for the road. I said no, thats not a good idea. My reasons as follows: 1. he's on probabtion, not supposed to have alcohol. 2. Drinking in my car would be considered me having open container... I don't want to get in trouble for that. He insists that he take the beer after stomping inside and pouting like a baby. I go in and tell him lets just go. He takes 2 with him. (I thought maybe I could keep him from drinking them if I talked to him and kept talking while we drove) NOPE

I hid one... he got pissed and reached for the shifter, said he'd push it into reverse while we were driving 55mph down the road... NICE. Needless to say, I stopped the car and handed him his beer and told him to knock it off, he threatened to walk back home. (should have said start walking, but I didn't)

We finally get to highway to get to where we are going (I didn't tell Austin where I was going just that I was going for a drive, didn't want any crap) Anyway, I ask David to stay quiet. does he? No, while Austin is asking me if he and luke can go bowling and that I have his bowling balls, David pipes up with he has balls..... nice. classy....

Get to Sullivan, he has finished beer #1. I order dinner (of course he wont' tell what he wants, just keeps being stupid about if there will be biscuits with the dinner). I pay, we get the food and we head back... he wants to take the long way back, ok fine, we go that way.... whatever... He says "roll down the window so I can throw out this beer can" I told him no, thats littering, again, baby fit, says people collect cans off the side of the road and helps them make a living, so therefore its not littering.... REALLY... WOULD THE COPS FIND THIS LOGICAL??? proceeds to throw the can out the window... (finishes 2nd beer and proceeds to do the same)

The ENTIRE TIME we're together, every couple of seconds I'm asked if we are having sex tonight... or told, we're having sex tonight.... to which I said, ummm... not happening.... not till its right and me being upset about the way this 51 year old is acting, isn't the right time for sex.

We get back to the house, he's still talking sex....fixes his plate, eats and goes to lay down on the couch, asking me to lay on him... no.... goes to sleep.... I woke him to tell him I was leaving, he says ok, if you see the dog, let him in. didn't get up to walk me out, nothing.

I feel like I'm over reacting, but I'm irritated... I haven't said anything to him... I don't want to fight. I just think its a little on the childish side.

Good we have not moved past friends.

Its not you, its me...

2011-05-24T13:49:00.002-05:00

I ONLY WANT TO BE HAPPY.... I thought I was finding happy (or had even found happy) not feeling it today.

I didn't go out and buy wedding rings, havent even considered wedding ... I still want to get to know him... I don't want to jump into bed ... not till its right ... yes, we've been there before, but I don't want to go there again till we're both ready to be just us.

I don't get it... I'm not showing up without him knowing first. (and I've only been out there 3 times total) I'm not showing up at his church, even though he says he's watched for me to come. Yes, I might call to much, but I just want to get to know him again, I like to talk, I'm here all day every day without anyone to talk to... no people interaction... only email/instant message and some phone..... talking to Mom isn't the same as with friends.

I don't know... I feel like damaged goods... I feel pushed away ...

I told him I was sorry and that I'd back off... he said "NO,I love to hear from you, its not you, its me".... WTF does that mean

(he did mention the other day that his phone isn't working properly, IDK is that it??)

Part of me says run away... far away... and don't look back to any of them... and the other part says that this is all part of the 'new' the 'uncomfortable' relationship that I've been avoiding... the "unsafe"

Friends thing...

2011-05-19T23:29:00.003-05:00

This having friends stuff is kinda fun. :)

David, Luke and I have hung out 3 of 6 evenings and had a really good time. The first night we hung out(Saturday), I took Pizza over to his house (think I said that before) and we had a good time just talking. Gave him a hug and we went home.

Luke kept telling me Saturday that I needed to tell David I loved him... I told him we were friends, so no, I asked Luke later why he kept saying that, he said "well, its like this, I have 2 Mom's already, it would be kinda nice to have 2 Dad's.... **sigh**

Monday he had the Lumbar Punch thing done on his back, his Mom was out there with him most of the day....

Wednesday, Luke and I went out and he had gotten fried chicken, potato wedges and coleslaw for us for dinner. We had a good time. Before we left he gave me a hug and a kiss. Luke sat in the car saying "UM guys... friends don't kiss..." **sigh**

I have to work all weekend, so we went back out again tonight... This time I took the fixins for Spaghetti and salad. Turned out really really good. Left some left overs there for him for lunch/dinner tomorrow and brought some home with me.... wooo hooo... lunch!! :) Again, he gave me a hug and kiss before I left and when I got there.

After I got dishes all washed up, Luke tells me I need to come sit on the couch by him and David. I went over and sat down, Luke proceeds to climb all over both of us and eventually laying down across both our laps. Its cute how he and David get along.

I know David and I had been close before.... and it feels like we could be heading there again... but I told him we're keeping it strictly friends right now... as easy as it would be to slip into beyond friends mode, I'm not ready for that. I want friends first. thats not to much to ask, is it?

Notice I have not said that Austin was out there too.... Luke and I have gone when Austin is at work... I just don't want any grief. I get to be happy too... thats what I'm told. I feel happy for the moment. Content, Happy and almost feel like all is right with the world....

Saturday....

2011-05-17T11:29:00.002-05:00

David has been giving me shit about bbq-ing for him last saturday...that I needed to cook for him. I told him I don't BBQ...thats his job. It was rainy and cold anyway so BBQ was really out of the question. I told him that instead I would pick up pizza for him, his nephew Cody, myself and Luke (and his nephew's girlfriend if she was there) I grabbed the soda from the fridge, ordered pizza, picked them up and we were off to his house.

Luke and I get there, its just the 3 of us, Cody had left and his girlfriend couldn't get out, she was babysitting.

Luke got to see the cows and the horse (not up close, but close enough for me....) lol And the two dogs... Kane and Melba... the dogs were so cute and so fun! Luke had a blast playing with them.

We had a good time. Ate pizza, watched a movie and part of another one, and then headed home.

At one point, Luke leans over and says "mom, you should tell him you love him..." I said no, I'm not, we are friends.

David had a lumbar punch procedure done on his back yesterday. His Mom spent the day out there with him yesterday. I called to see how he was doing and told him I'd bring out the vacuum to do his floors on Wednesday night. (mega dog hair) His back really bothers him and can't do the vacuuming. Luke wants to help, so we're taking another vacuum out so that Luke can assist. :) David and I were talking about me bringing out the vacuum when his mom was there. He asked me, are you doing the bedroom too, I said no. He says why, you don't trust me... I said, thats exactly it, I don't trust you. His Mom was in the background laughing her butt off. :) She said "She sure knows you"

I asked him again to keep things at a slow pace. I don't want the pressue of a 'relationship' yet. I want to be friends... can we do that? so far we are.

On a side note, Austin doesn't care for him.... Austin said 'first impression' I sucked it up and didn't say anything. he's got his opinion and is entitled to it, but I dont' think spending 5 minutes sitting with someone gives you an accurate first impression.

Safer....

2011-05-10T09:27:00.002-05:00

Been thinking some more ...

Why do I find Dennis the safer option?? Is it because there is no commitment? I never thought of myself as being one afraid of commitment. Maybe I am.

The only relationships I've been in are ones that won't work.... won't work why you ask... because they are already commited elsewhere....

See ... yet another reason I don't deserve happily ever after....

so how does one work past this fear?

Not that I want happily ever after with David, I want to take things slow and get to know him again. I don't want to jump both feet into another dream and then be disappointed yet again when it doesn't pan out.

it wasn't a date....

2011-05-09T14:24:00.003-05:00

It really wasn't a date... I just met him and talked at a public place.... right? not a date?

Ok, Katie asked to tell her about David....

David is the twin brother of a good friend of mine

He and I had dated twice before (once about 20 years ago and again 10 years ago)

He is 51 years old (to my 41 almost 42)

He has 4 other sisters, 2 of which were also twins. (6 kids total, 2 sets of twins)

The first time we dated it was amazing... we never fought, we got along so well, hung out with his family, went camping, he bought a 2nd horse then so I could ride with him....

It didn't work then because I was also seeing the boys dad. Even though I tried to end things with the boys Dad, there was this hold that I just couldn't shake.... I had to choose between the two... Dennis worked and held down a job/David didn't ... was looking at stability then.... Dennis seemed to make more sense, seemed safer... why? I don't know... thats just what my heart/head told me. Maybe its because deep inside I felt as if I didn't deserve to be happy, I don't know... I still feel that way.

fast forward 10 years, he called out of the blue, wanted to see me. Austin and I met him at the park, Austin played we talked, we had a good time. I ended things with Dennis. tried to make things work with David. David drank (a lot) and he didn't trust me... and why would he, I hurt him pretty bad when I chose Dennis over him... David and I dated for about a month (if that) ... he never wanted to see my house, and always dogged me about Dennis. Non stop no trust and bickering between the two of us. I didn't like who I was when I was with him at that time. We split up, I stayed alone for another couple months and Dennis and I started talking again....

You already know Dennis and I have been on again off again. He tells me he wants to be with me, and it never happens. Many Many years of yes I love you ... but....

David and I have emailed back and forth for the last few years, sending jokes, nothing serious, nothing committed.... just forwards from other people. Last week he emailed that he wishes I would come back....

So thats where I am....

No clue what will happen... I have not seen Dennis in over a month, except for at the bowling alley. Not one on one. No talking between us about us.

I don't want David to get the wrong idea, that I'm back ... because I'm not back. I just met him and talked.

He also told me that before, it was the alcohol that caused the trust issues between us, that he had stopped drinking (except on occasion, like watching a ball game) he had 3 beers while watching the game... is that to much, I don't know... just makes me nervous. He's going to church every week and has his ideas of religion, and he downs Catholics, which bothers me since I was raised Catholic. For example, he said that his nephew had gotten married to this girl he met in the bar and that she drank to much, and throws in about how she was catholic. I said to him, what does Catholic have to do with anything and he said something about those catholics like to drink. What I should have said was 'does that make you catholic' but I didn't..... I just said whatever and catholicism had nothing to do with their failed marriage.

Lots to think about....

I made it clear that we were friends.... and thats how I introduced to my friends.

Time will tell.... one day at a time is how this has got to go......

well....

2011-05-09T02:17:00.003-05:00

Agreed to meet him.... of course he wouldn't decide when and where, so I said the Bowling alley.

I had the kids (all 3, Austin's girlfriend too) the kids bowled, we sat and talked. More BS than any real talking. But it was fun.

Felt weird with the kids there, felt like I was under a microscope, not to do anything inappropriate or it would be held against me. Nothing inappropriate was going to happen, I felt like I was going against their Dad. I know... I shouldn't feel that way, he's had ample opportunity to make a decision and be with me... however, I kinda did.....

I feel like it was a huge step for me to even suggest the bowling center. I work there.... I bowl there... (the kids dad bowls there....)

anyway ... We sat, we watched the ball game (Milwaukee vs St. Louis) ((yes Katie, MIL won)) :P He had a couple beers, I had none, not that he didnt offer. I just didn't feel right.

He kept suggesting going out to dinner (Austin and Sammy had already left, so it was me him and Luke) I told him that I needed to get home and that we'd go to dinner another time. He said he understood. I didn't want to leave the teenagers alone to long here.... Luke took to David pretty quick, of course David is like a big kid himself, constantly teasing and carrying on.

He walked me and Luke to the car, gave me a hug and we were on our way. He texted later and said that he had a good time. :)

Sunday Afternoon he sent me a text saying happy mother's day :)

I asked him if Saturday was as bad or worse than he thought it would be... he said wasn't bad, I had the same smile, the same laugh and the same sense of humor he always loved.

I'm babbling... I'll go now.

hmmmm

2011-05-06T14:12:00.003-05:00

Took Luke to the dr a month ago, he's doing so much better on the meds. He's so much easier to deal with!! His class work is looking so much nicer, his teacher isn't yelling at him all day long, and I'm not as stressed with him.

Austin on the other hand has me stressed beyond belief.... I love that he feels he can say anything he wants to me, I just wish he'd figure out a little nicer way to say it sometimes so that I don't get to the point where I'm yelling "F*&* You" from across the room. Can I do better... I'm trying... really trying.

Life isn't all about what I want... especially when your kids grow up... they have their own wants and deserve to have them too... how does one deal with this? I want him to be happy and have everything... but I want him to stay my boy... the one who needed me... I still need him, but he doesn't need me.... this really makes me sad.

I might have a date. Saturday. He's single. He quit drinking. He's the brother of a friend of mine, he and I dated awhile back ... he's a good guy... did I mention he's single... yeah... go me... He's been emailing me and I told him I'd let him know when I was off work so we could get together. I have the whole weekend off... I emailed him back and told him I was available Saturday. Left the ball in his court if he was available to meet and tell me when and where. nervous as hell. I don't do well meeting people. yes, I knew him before, but its been a long time ago. I've changed.

I should email back and say no.... IDK.... I want a life .... but feel like I don't deserve it.

People tell me I'm a good person with a good heart.... if thats the case, why have things been so hard for me?

10 Randoms ...

2011-03-08T14:24:00.003-06:00

10. Luke seems to always be in trouble at school ... Not sure what to do about that.

9. Austin got his Drivers License!

8. Austin wants to drive by himself ALL THE TIME

7. Its raining

6. flowers are poking thru the ground... spring is just around the corner!

5. Austin got a job at the bowling center. Its kinda funny, the other workers watch out for him since I work there too. Really sweet.

4. I bowled a 277 a couple weeks ago.

3. My cousin gets married on the 19th of this month

2. Austin has 2 Drill competitions this month, one this weekend, the weekend of the 25/26th

1. Had so much fun with my family Saturday night for my cousin's batchelorette party...

Tonsils

2011-01-24T22:19:00.002-06:00

So on Jan 18 my tonsils finally came out.... today is day 6... you'd think the pain would be considerably better than the first few days... lets say its a different kind of pain today. I'm taking less of the pain pills, but still dizzy as can be.... (no comments from the peanut gallery) the pain is still there, but I feel it more in my ears than anything.

I'm trying to keep eating ... I'm trying to keep hydrated. I tried to go back to work today and got really dizzy so thought I'd lay down for 30 minutes or so, ended up sleeping 3 hours... guess my body wasn't ready.

Austin and his girlfriend Sammy have been great with helping me out. Luke's even tried to help. He'll come in and wake me up just to say "I love you Mom" which is sweet, but when you aren't sleeping regular anyway... but he loves me, so that makes me happy. :)

Austin and Sammy have kept the kitchen clean, fixed meals for everyone... we've had several snow days since my surgery and they've managed to clean Luke's room, keep him content and not complain to loud when I ask for MORE jello.

Going to attempt the work thing again in the morning.

Called the dr's office today to see if I needed a follow up appointment. Of course, I do. Its scheduled for Feb 1 at 8AM. I did ask if my tongue being numb and swollen feeling 6 days after surgery was normal, they told me it was. I sound like I'm deaf when I speak.... really weird sounding.

On the up side ... if I don't feel like talking on the phone people seem to understand. :) :)

Guess thats all for now

Random nothings...

2011-01-17T22:39:00.003-06:00

1. Luke & Austin and Austin in uniform...

2. At Christmas time, Luke was playing with the Nativity set, helping set it up, he says "mom, baby Jesus goes here with Mary & Joseph, the Angel of God goes here, and the sheep here, but ... I don't know where to put the Three Blind men"

3. My Mom cuts the boys hair. Luke wanted an arrow, Mom gave him one. He goes into the bathroom and yells for Austin. He tells Austin "this is SOOO COOL!" Austin says "yes, its pretty cool" Luke says "No Austin, Look what it can do" tilts his head so it points down, "If I point my head to down the arrow points to my weiner!!"

4. My tonsils are supposed to come out tomorrow. Toooooo many bouts of strep throat. Truth be told, I'm scared to death.

5. My Uncle Art died last week Wednesday. Everything happened so fast, the viewing was Thursday and the Funeral Friday.

6. Austin decided to burn the brush pile behind the house w/my Dad on Sunday. That works, it needed to be gone. Today, he did a little more cleaning up back there. To start the new fire, he got some brush and two bricks, banged the bricks together and got sparks, caught the brush on fire and had him a nice fire going for a couple of hours. Neighbors were out watching the whole thing and of course talking about him ...how he'd never get it started.... After it starts, the old man says 'How the f%^k did he do that' Austin holds up the bricks and says "With Bricks" to which the nosey old neighbors (all 3 of them) said "oh crap, he heard us" Austin got a good chuckle while he was thinking 'how the hell did I do that' LOL

7. We got a dog over the summer.... Mugsy is his name. He's Boxer/Lab mix. He's the fartinest dog I've ever seen. Fits right in with my boys. **sigh**

8. No food or drink after midnight... got an hour and 10 minutes to go....

9. I love working part time at the bowling alley. The people there are great!!

10. really nervous about tomorrow.

Yeah .... a day or two ....

2011-01-12T12:02:00.002-06:00

Boys have grown so much since the last time I posted on here.... but life's still pretty much the same as its always been.

I'm working 2 jobs... part time at Oasis Lanes. Its fun... lots of good people.

Luke's in 1st grade and to say he's rotten is an understatement. He really knows how to push buttons and keep you on your toes. Austin is in 10th grade now and has a girlfriend. Sometimes I wish I had my little boy back with this one, other times, I'm glad he's almost grown up.

Weekend fun

2009-06-01T08:22:00.003-05:00

Saturday, Austin and I worked a party with his GodMother Linda ... We worked our tails off ... but had fun at the same time. 10 hours serving and cleaning up after people ....

Sunday I had an Arbonne party, which only 2 of my friends showed up to. Then took the boys for Burgers at this place Laura suggested (they were ok, not the best burger I've ever had) and then I took the boys fishing. I fished too! Got me a new pink fishing pole and tackle box for Luke.

My babies....

2009-05-26T10:51:00.004-05:00

My baby boy Graduated from Preschool last Thursday

My other baby was promoted from 8th Grade to High School on Friday

I couldn't be more proud and sad at the same time ... They are both such good kids (like any, when they want to be) High School and Kindergarten!! All this happened to fast!

Holy cow its been awhile ....

2009-05-04T10:04:00.002-05:00

Bit of randomness here ...

Austin had his Confirmation on 4/26. I almost cried. But was trying really hard not to. Of course his father didn't make it to the ceremony, he had other things to do. AND NO WAY was I inviting the step mother to go on her own with us. FORKS IN THE EYES SOUND MUCH BETTER THAN ENDURING HER.

Austin bowled State this weekend. He made his average the entire weekend. I was proud of him. He adjusted to the lane conditions and really tried. AND talk about TEAM player. He could have moved to get a better shot, but his teammate was shooting that mark and Austin didn't want to throw off his game. His teammate shot a 267 game!! That made me even happier that he THOUGHT about others!!

The kids State bowling will be much closer to home next year. Rolla/Salem will be where its held. I THINK we can sleep at home!! wooo hooo!

Lucas, well, he's still Lucas. Rotten as ever but can be the sweetest kid when he wants to be.

Luke has his PreSchool graduation coming up this month. After that he starts Kindergarten Summer School and the SACC program (School Aged Child Care) He's beyond thrilled he gets to be a BIG KID!

Another Wedding ... I didn't take these though

2008-10-18T22:00:00.000-05:00

Rick & Amy's wedding

2008-09-29T23:05:00.003-05:00

9/27/2008

What a BEAUTIFUL day for an outdoor wedding!! Absolutely amazing ...

Here are some of my favorite pictures I took from the delightful day.

Just fun pics

2008-09-16T21:30:00.001-05:00

We went out bike riding again and decided to play around and take some pics of the boys ... Enjoy!

Nature Walk

2008-09-08T11:28:00.001-05:00

Sunday we decided to take a walk ... My Mom & Dad met us at Route 66 State Park ... originally we planned to ride bikes ... Dad didnt' feel up to that, so instead we walked 2.8 miles ... (He really didn't feel up to that, but he managed)

Here's some pics from our walk ...

My Photography

2008-09-05T20:49:00.001-05:00

Nature and such ....

Random pics

2008-09-05T00:00:00.004-05:00

My Boys

2008-09-04T23:49:00.001-05:00

And I thought Life was crazy enough ....

2008-09-04T22:52:00.005-05:00

Oh My Goodness ... Life sure does run at a fast pace ....

My little man has his first soccer game on Saturday! He's 4 1/2 years old and honestly doesn't have much of a clue ... but he's having fun and thats all that matters. (he's the one w/his hands on his knees) ((click the picture for a larger view))

Our Bowling season also starts up Saturday for the kids ... signups are this Saturday and first week of League starts next week ... of course, Lucas wants to do that too. Austin is a given, he's bowled since he was 3. Lucas since he was 2.

Austin's in 8th Grade ... hard to believe ... in roughly 5 more years he'll be off to college!!!

Lucas is in Pre K ... yesterday he pulled a stunt ... Luke's teacher stops me today ... she tells me that yesterday the kids were to do some coloring pages .... Luke tells her "I don't like to color" she explains to him that he has to do it that its all part of learning and he needs to do it. She steps away from the table, out of Luke's site, but she can still hear him. He tells the girl next to him "I will give you ANYTHING if you do my coloring pages" She says "Anything?" Luke, "yes" She says "I want a bunny" Luke thows his hands in the air and says "I CAN'T GET YOU A BUNNY, ANYTHING else ... anything, what else so you can do my paper" He's negotiating with this little girl, she's not giving in cause she see's that Ms Barb is right there ... he keeps going , she says "Ms Barb" Ms Barb said that Luke's eyes turned the size of half dollars!

What am i going to do with that child??? Pre K and he's trying to negotiate out of doing class work?

Well ladies and gents ... I did it...

2008-08-30T09:34:00.002-05:00

I cut my hair off .... these aren't the most flattering of pictures ... but who cares right?!?

My sister and Aunt both have cancer, so I donated my hair to Locks of Love ... there was roughly about 10-11 inches that we cut off the back. Don't cry ... it'll grow back!

Before

After

MEN .... WHY must they suck so bad!

2008-08-22T18:29:00.003-05:00

Guy A ..... ask him what he wants ... answer .... his cake and eat it too.

Guy B .... "oh I love you and want to be with you, but now's not the right time .... blah fuckin blah ..." so I say pick a date ... when will be the right time? He says ... FEB 31! Whats that tell me ... NEVER will be the right time! FUCKIN NEVER!!

Guy C ... "call me when you want to do it again"

I'm batting a thousand here folks! a thousand!

its got to be me .... men can't all be this shitty, can they?

tired

2008-08-19T10:14:00.001-05:00

Ever just feel tired of it all?

Tired of men taking advantage?
Tired of kids not listening?
Tired of no one taking you seriously?
Tired of bills with no money to pay?

yeah, thats me.

More Randoms ....

2008-03-05T07:51:00.003-06:00

Its been awhile ... I appologize ...

* my baby boy is going to be 4 in just a few days ...10 days to be exact

* Austin wants to try out for track ... the school lost his physical, so now we need to see if we can get one mailed from the Dr. so that he can

* Work is going well ... planning an office move in 30-90 days

* Taking the boys to bowl their state tournament the first weekend in April. Kansas City, here we come ...

* Working the Mo State Tournament every weekend is nuts ... but, I don't want anyone on the board to say I didn't do my part to help.

* Working from home again today ... boys have another snow day from school .... I'm so ready for spring ...

Randon Nothings

2007-09-12T14:04:00.001-05:00

* I feel like a complete failure ... unable to have a healthy relationship with a man.
* I know we did the right thing but can't help thinking that we won't stay in touch.
* Lucas loves his preschool, he had Grandparents day today and didn't get to have his grandparents there, but Aunt Anna and Uncle Sid were there, he did projects with them and had snack with them, so I'm sure he was pretty happy.
* Austin finally got his shirts for his Holland trip .... 2 months later
* Tomorrow I'm going back to Weight Watchers ... gotta get back ontrack.
* Water ... Water ... Water
* Made an awesome batch of Chicken-N-Dumplins last night ... the kids scarfed and wanted more.
* Made Spaghetti the night before that turned out really good too.
* Wish someone could tell me how to be a better person/girlfriend so that I'd get it right the next time around.
* Still have his birthday presents at the house ... Hope to get them to him.
* Have to go Thursday to set up the Youth Bulletin Board at the bowling alley.
* Haven't joined a bowling league yet this year, season has started.
* Bathroom still isn't done
* Yard needs cut -- maybe tomorrow

Happy Birthday!

2007-08-23T20:22:00.000-05:00

Lucas says ... Happy Birthday Bubba Jim!!!

View From the Riverfront ... looking West

2007-06-15T08:45:00.000-05:00

Took my boys and my friends Husband to be to the Riverfront last night. My friend Katie, her future husband is in town on business, she asked me to go with him to dinner cause he's been bored. We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner, took him on a carriage ride on the river front and finished the evening with Ted Drews Frozen Custard .... I think he had a good time. Katie said he did anyway .... :)

WOW ... its been awhile ....

2007-06-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

Little Update ...

Jim and I still talk, not as much as we did, but we are talking and still have the same feelings for one another, we still love each other, we just can't be together right now.
I had the Novasure procedure done 2 weeks ago ...
Austin goes to Holland in July
Lucas is growing like a weed, he's 40.5 inches tall and 42 pounds.
Austin's officially a 7th Grader now ... he passed 6th grade with all A's & B's! I couldn't be prouder of him!
Lucas started a new preschool. He now goes to one in town and LOVES it ... he asks everyday if he can go to his 'new preschool'
My friend Laura filed for divorce ... I'm trying to be supportive and be a good friend ... her husband (who used to be a friend) has turned into a complete ass ... its amazing how one second he can tell her he loves her and wants to work things out and the next second he's calling her a whore .... I'm really wanting to kick his ass myself .... (note... this is the same dick who hit on me on more than one occasion .... I think I should remind him that he's not Mr Perfect like he thinks he is)
Jim sided his parents house ... it looks awesome! He's such a great guy!
I started a bathroom project ... it was only to be a new shower surround since the tiles in the tub were cracking ... its turned into a major overhaul .... got a new tub, new walls, new window (Luke calls it his window to the sky) It'll have new paint ... I'm now going to take down the wall paper that is in there ... major project!!
My friend Katie is due ANY DAY! I'm so excited to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. She's such a wonderful Mom!!
My son LOVES "The Price is Right" and is sad that Bob Barker is done .... he called me today saying that he heard Rosie O'donnell is talking of taking it over ... he's not impressed.

I'll post more later ... work is calling ... Hopefully it won't take me months to post again.

The Break ....

2007-02-10T15:19:00.000-06:00

For those wondering ... The "Break" is over .... we decided that the best thing to do was to end things. Well, doesn't feel best to me, but best for everyone involved. IF he's ever 100% FREE, he'll look me up again. Till then ... Its just me and my kiddo's ...

He'll always have my heart and he knows this.

Have I learned anything ... yeah ... I have ...

Another year comes to an end ....

2006-12-31T19:40:00.000-06:00

and what do I have to show for it??? I'm not talking what do I have in a material sense ... I have nothing more materialistically than I've had in years past ... still bills upon bills .... ugggg

I have Jim back in my life and my heart overflows with love for him. I never thought I'd feel such love again.

I have my sons ...no matter how crazy they make me ... I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I have my family, my parents, my sisters, my brother-in-law, my nieces and nephews ... while we don't always see eye to eye, we still love each other.

I have my friends ... both real life and online ...

While I know I won't be spending the last minutes of 2006 physically with any of you ... you will all be in my heart and on my mind bringing in the new year.

From Rascal Flatts....
My wish for you

is that life becomes

all that you want it to

your dreams stay big,

your worries stay small

you never need to carry

more than you can hold

and while you're out there gettin'

where you're gettin' to

I hope you know somebody loves you

and wants the same things too

yeah, this .... is my wish

Happy New Year my Friends!! Stay safe ...

Merry Christmas!!

2006-12-24T18:21:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas my dear friends!

This by far is the best Christmas .... I'm in love, my boys are healthy and I did something nice for a friend ....

I hope each of you is at least 1/2 as happy as I am ... If you are 1/2 as happy you are pretty darn happy!

Merry Christmas!

Quiz ... stole from Ruthie ...

2006-12-22T06:56:00.000-06:00

Quiz...Long quiz...
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Sheesh you look tired ... for 4AM.
2. How much cash do you have on you?None, wearing my robe ...
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" snore
4. Favorite planet? hmmm ... earth
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Austin's step Mom
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? the one that rings when Jim calls
7. What shirt are you wearing? a robe
8. Do you "label" yourself? yep ... fat ...
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing? barefoot, goes w/robe
10. Bright or Dark Room?Depends on who I'm with ...
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Ruthie ... She's a wonderful person that I hope finds all the happiness in the world soon!
12. What does your watch look like? silver n gold w/hearts on the band
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?sleeping, didn't feel good
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? It was probably from Rob asking if I was coming into work
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? 3 exits away in Eureka
16. What is a word that you say a lot? you think?
17. Who's the last person that told you they love you? Jim when he called
18. Last furry thing you touched?my dog
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? none.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? 1 its stuck in the camera
21. Favorite age you have been so far?37 .... I got my first love back ....
22. Your worst enemy?Myself. I am very critical
23. What is your current desktop picture?pic from WA
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?"come on Austin, we have to meet grandpa at 7:30"
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? hmmm ... since I don't care for heights, I'm going for the million
26. Do you like someone? hell yeah...
27. The last song you listened to? When I Get Where I'm Going
28. What time of day were you born? around 6PM
29. What is your favorite number?23.
30. Where did you live in 1987?Pacific, MO.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? yep.
32. Is anyone jealous of you?Not likely ... one look they consider me not a threat...sad, but true.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?I was on my way to work when the first plane hit, at work for the rest of it
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?Find more money
35. Do you consider yourself kind?yes.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?on the back of my shoulder
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?Spanish. so if Jim takes me to Mexico like he says, I'll know whats going on
38. Would you move for the person you loved?No question about it.
39. Are you touchy feely?yep
40. What's your life motto? Its all good
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?Cell phone, panties and a bra...
42. What's your favorite town/city?I've not been a lot of places, Seattle was very pretty though!
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?Lunch w/Jim yesterday.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? wrote, a couple months ago, didn't mail though, handed it to him.... mailed was about 6 months ago when I wrote to Winnona
45. Can you change the oil on a car?The question is... Do I want to...
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? He's sick
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?not sure, I know Mom has quite a bit of it ...
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Fancy ... probably my sister's 1st wedding.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? not really
50. Have you been burned by love?Burnt someone and been burnt ...

You know whats sweet!

2006-12-20T15:21:00.000-06:00

He loves me!!!

I haven't been this happy in years! I'm so in love with this man!

SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!

You know what makes it even better!

2006-12-03T19:47:00.000-06:00

Today, Bubba Jim came by on his way to see his parents. I was in the shower when he got here, I could hear when he came in the house and Luke yelled "BUBBA JIM" He was SO excited to see his Bubba Jim! He didn't look at him and walk the other direction or anything ... it was so sweet sounding. I love that my kids enjoy being around Jim. They have really taken to him!

Oh how sweet!!! LOL

Evil .... I'm just Evil!

2006-12-01T18:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Dennis decided to stop by to take Austin with him to the bowling alley to finish getting Austin's ball redrilled (only been a month) ... Luke walks down the hall to see who's here, see's Dennis, turns around and heads back to his room. Its all I could do to not laugh. Dennis called him back in herre and starts talking to him. Luke's yammering about Santa and Christmas lights and says "you have a mustache" Dennis says, "yes, I have a little one" Luke says "My Bubba Jim have a mustache" Dennis looks at him and says "Who's Bubba Jim?" Luke keeps yammering about Bubba Jim and "uh huh, Bubba does have a mustache" I tell you what I was rolling ... you couldn't see me laughing but OMG was I rolling!!! Now all of a sudden I get "so, um, what's he need for Christmas?" I said "Who?" He says "Luke, what can I get him for Christmas" I said "whatever" Then he asks, "um yeah, so, basketball will be starting up in the next month or so, uh, can I take him with me?" I'm like "who, Austin, of course you can take him" he says "no, I was thinking I'd take Luke" again, my response "whatever" How in the hell is he going to take him and WATCH him while he's playing basketball??? I'm thinkin .... NO...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T07:33:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I hope each and every one of you has a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and loved ones.

Don't worry .....

2006-10-19T14:59:00.000-05:00

Things are fine ... I've been behaving ... I enjoy talking to him and visiting with him. If he decides that he's not happy in his marriage, it is not going to be because of me. I'm here to talk to him, to listen to him to be his friend. Do I still have feelings for him, yes ... does he have feelings for me? yes.

What now? We continue to be friends ... talk and take things day by day ... We've cut back, we aren't talking near as much as we had been. The e-mails have slowed down, but the friendship is still strong. I think we're on track for a healthy friendship.

Dennis actually talked to me last Saturday. Its the first time in a month that he even said hello. He also talked to Luke and helped him with his bowling. I don't know how long this will last, but maybe its a sign of better things. Maybe he and I can once again be friends. Somehow I doubt it since he still doesn't talk to his xwife after 20+ years, but stranger things have happened.

I have a friend, Shawn, a couple years younger than me, who is going thru a break up with his girlfriend ... he and I have talked a lot lately too ... he tells me he doesn't know what he'd do if he didn't have me and our friend Laura to talk to ... he's a sweet heart ... my heart aches for him.

Lets see ... what else ....

My boys are doing fantastic! Luke is LOVING preschool! Austin is LOVING Jr. High! AND btw ... when he got his progress report, he was making straight A's ... quarter ended yesterday, looks like he may still have those A's!!! :D

I'm contemplating taking a new job here ... its basically the same thing that I currently do, but this job I'd have 13 techs work FOR me. I know I could handle it, but it would be increased travel, and right now, they tell me its a lateral move, no additional money. I'm holding out to see how bad they want me to take the job, to see if they will offer some $$$ to go along with it. I'd be pretty far from the MRP on this job (market reference point) ... We'll see. It would be closer to home and a LOT LESS traffic! Its got its pros and cons ... we'll see.

10 Things You'll NEVER Hear Me Say

2006-10-15T15:27:00.000-05:00

Stolen from others ......

1. Oh no honey, no sex tonight
2. Please, extra cucumbers
3. No Luke, you can poop anywhere
4. Oh sure, you can have my car
5. No, I don't cry watching movies
6. Sure, run with sissors
7. Please, give me another week of duty manager rotation
8. I LOVE "that" time of month
9. Trash, just leave it ...
10. Don't clean up your toys, I like it like this!

The Wedding ....

2006-10-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

OMG ... Brigitte looked wonderful! She had to be the most beautiful bride I've ever seen in my life! Happy and Glowing ... you could tell that she and Alan are so happy together! The boys and I headed up to Old Monroe for the wedding (over an hour away from home) Luke pee'd thru his pullup, so I had to take his dress pants off of him and put him in jeans ... at church, Luke didn't want to sit still for me and there was NO way I was going to let him run the church, so Austin stayed in and watched the ceremony, Luke and I walked around outside in the dark cemetary on Friday the 13th ....

After the wedding, which what I could see thru the glass doors, was sooooo pretty .... we jumped in the car and drove about a half hour to the reception. Shortly after we got there, my cell phone rings ... My fireman friend called to see where I was. I told him and he met us at the reception. It was sweet. The boys loved him. Luke kept telling him "Bubba, I be white back" and he'd run to the drinking fountain and run right back to him. He and Austin talked a little, we had dinner, He carried my plate since I was carrying Luke to keep him under control. Luke sat on both our knees to eat dinner, eating quite a bit of my plate of food .... after dinner, we danced, it was so nice. Luke plopped himself down in the middle of the dance floor, just sat there and let everyone dance around him .... every now and then you'd see him wiggle and dance while sitting ... just like his momma, he is ... Momma doesn't fast dance around others either .... only sitting in her chair ... ;)

It was a nice night ... clear, stary sky, half moon, cool crisp air ... wonderful, wonderful night with friends and family!

Well, you guys were right ...

2006-10-12T19:04:00.000-05:00

I got sucked in .... I knew I would, I knew I'd get close, I knew I'd fall all over again. Now I don't know where I stand. I don't know what I feel, I don't know what I want to feel. No, I do know what I want to feel. I want to feel safe and loved. I can't have that ... not now anyway. Its not that he doesn't love me, he does .... We just can't move forward, not yet anyway. He's a wonderful man, don't get me wrong .... its apparently just not in the cards right now ...

I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself ... I got a new do today ... My Dr said I was fine (since I didn't share before, we thought I may have had something going on with a bit of an irregular heart beat, but according to the dr, its from stress and lack of sleep, that the entire time he listened to my heart, all was good and he listened for about 2 minutes) ... I called another guy friend of mine (no worries about getting attached to him ... he's younger, I don't do younger) he's taking his breakup pretty hard, I'm talking to him a little here and there to get his and my mind off of crap ...

I'm glad to be done with Dennis, but hate the way he treats me and Luke now .... its like neither of us exist. I don't understand that. If I'm screwing him, then he talks or at least says hello, but when I'm not, when I appear to be happy even without him he can't have anything to do with either of us.

cookin fool ....

2006-10-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

I'm on vacation this week ... YAY! Well, don't know so much about YAY ... but at least I'm getting a break....

So far, I've made homemade Chicken N Dumplins, they turned out really good .... brownies ... and some chicken parmesan garlic pizza .... Luke is scarfing up the pizza as I type..... There is one bowl of chicken n dumplins left, I promised my fireman friend some .... If he's lucky, he'll get it ... if not, he'll have to wait for me to feel like cooking again.

Went for my annual check up ... doc said everything looked good but he'd have the results back in about a week or so ... That made me feel a bit better.

Two more dr appts to go ... I'm old, so I have to do a mammogram ... yee haw!

Going to CA!!!!

2006-10-05T09:51:00.000-05:00

I wish I could say YAY, I'm going to CA .... but I can't ... I'm kinda bummed ... I love the idea of seeing a new area, could be lots of picture taking possiblibies .... I'm suposed to go to CA in late October for work. I don't want to go alone though ... I want to see things when I get off work, I want to enjoy it with someone special. Its a business trip, but still ...

I'm on vacation next week. My vacation plans right now consist of a Dr appt on Monday (woo hoo ... shed em and spread um ... yay!) **note the sarcastic tone** And Friday, one of my best friends is marrying her High School Sweetheart after 20+ years ... they've talked on and off for all these years and finally decided they needed to be together. I'm so happy for her. She's so happy with him. Brigitte & Alan 10/13/2006 will finally be united in marriage.

Its been a month since I started talking to my fireman friend again. 9/8/2006 was the first time we talked, really talked in 20 years. Everytime I talk to him, I smile .... He hasn't changed a bit ... ok, maybe a little, but he's still the man I fell in love with all those years ago ... I'm happy he's back in my life ... He's a good friend to have, he likes my kids and my kids like him. I enjoy our conversations ... no matter if they are about the past, the present or the future, about his work, my work, whatever ... its just so nice to talk to him.

Last Friday night I did go out ... took the boys with me and had dinner with my friend Laura. She's doing good, but still missing Kevin. (Kevin passed away 19 months ago) They were married 27 years and were soooooo good together. They were definately made for each other. Kevin put Laura on a pedastil ... you could feel the love between the two of them. You could see the love.

I was totally pissed at Dennis for not taking the time out of his hunting schedule for the boys ... maybe I was wrong to be mad at him for that. He does like his hunting, and I can understand that ... completely, however what I don't understand is how he can sit there at the bowling alley and not say a word to Luke or myself unless I take Luke over to him. then and only then will he talk to him. I don't get that. Does it bother me that he won't talk to me or look my direction ... yeah, a little. But I'm not going to let that get me down. I deserve more ....

I wish I could yell to the world .... "See this guy ... he makes me happy!" I'm still looking for "this guy" I'm not giving up hope... I know he's out there somewhere ... just waiting to find me ...

P I S S Y

2006-09-29T10:22:00.000-05:00

Yep .... that would be me last night and yet today ......

I wanted to go out with the girls tonight .... I called my normal High School babysitter ... she's got a football game that she has to take pictures at for yearbook ... thats fine ... not a problem ... I can deal with that ... I call another friend, she' s also busy ... so being a good Mom ... I try the boys FATHER to watch them ... afterall, he doesn't see them much why not ask him, right?? Well, he says "how long do I have to watch them" to which my response was "all night and I'll get them from you saturday morning" He says "I think I'm going hunting on Saturday, so no" UMMMM YA THINK? My thought is he better not EVER complain about not seeing Luke ... cause as far as I'm concerned ... he's had his chance. Take me to court ... I'm done.

Changes ....

2006-09-26T23:18:00.000-05:00

Oh the changes lately ....... The biggest change is Dennis is gone ... he's been out of my life for close to 2 weeks now and I feel really good about it. I have my moments, but who wouldn't after trying to hold onto something for 17 years.

I have found that I'm sleeping better at night, I'm getting up before the alarm rings and out of the house in record times lately.

I've been going to the track at night too .... I've walked about a mile a day for the last 3 days ... not including the extra little walks I have been taking at work for a little me time away from the techs.

I haven't been hungry either ... I have my ice tea and a breakfast sandwich in the morning, some more tea at lunch time with a little something and I'm good till I get home.

Things at home have been better too ... I'm finding a little more patience than I had before ... how? I'm not sure ... maybe its talking to my fireman friend ...

Speaking of my fireman friend ... today Austin smashed his finger in the door, called me screaming that his finger was bleeding really bad ... I tell him what to do and call my friend and ask him to give Austin a quick call ... he did, told Austin almost exactly the same thing I said and Austin calmed down considerably. Austin said later that he was happy that my fireman friend called to talk to him. He was totally impressed that a guy that I talk to would have some interest in him and his well being ....

My fireman friend and I have had some talks ... boy do I miss him ... I wish we could go back in time, knowing what we know now and do it right ... stay together ... I could wish on that forever ... it won't change the fact that we didn't ... that we were too stubborn to see that we had what it takes to make a great couple, a great partnership. We have a strong friendship going, I don't want to blow that ... he's a great guy ... I'm lucky to have him in my life. I really am. He makes me want to be a better me .... I love him for that! I really do!

Patience .... just a little patience .... everything will work out the way its intended .... thats what I'm told anyway ....

Note to D

2006-09-24T09:28:00.000-05:00

Its not that I didn't love you
this wasn't in my plans
I wanted to be with you
I know you don't understand

Seventeen years is a long long time
of trying to be complaisant
we had our good and bad times to
I got tired of being patient

I'm moving on now
aligning my stars
I know one day I'll find
a love so true so unlike you
he'll completely blow my mind

Good luck to you D
You meant so much to me
I wish you only the best
Be happy with her as you once were
and smile at our memories

Friday Update

2006-09-22T10:54:00.000-05:00

Well, at least he's not a total d!ck to Austin .... Austin decided he wanted to go with his Dad last night and without even getting a call from anyone to tell him to go get Austin, he swung by the house and asked Austin if he wanted to go with him. Austin was thrilled, he thought that his step-mom had gotten in touch with his Dad to get him. I'm glad he's not pushing Austin aside and hope that maybe one day we'll be able to stand talking to each other again.

I want to move on, I need to move on.

I wanted to take off this weekend and just go .... go and see an old friend who lives just a couple of hours away from me .... that isn't going to pan out ... we've got to much going on to do that. Pampered Chef party on Sunday that I'm so not prepared for. Cleaning to do on Saturday for the party on Sunday. Shopping to do for the party on Sunday. Austin apparently has a birthday party to go to on Sunday also. I told him to make sure his step-mom brings him home afterwards cause I'm not hanging out for it. (yes, used to be, anywhere they would be, I'd be just to try to catch a wink or acknowledgement that I was there)

My friend Anna went back to her ex-husband again. They have been on again off again forever. She hooked back up with an old high school love and then got burnt pretty badly. After only a couple months together, he told her he was done with her. Sad, but true. Got what he needed, got on his feet and kicked her to the curb. She'll be ok and back to her bossy self in no time ... I'm not liking that idea much since she lives so much closer to me now ... I want my life .... I want my decisions to be mine ... I don't want to be told again how to make my decisions and what I will and will not do. Friends give advice, friends take advice given, friends do not belittle you over a poor decision.

Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. I may not have gotten everything I wanted out of my relationship with Dennis. I didn't get the attention I wanted, needed and desired. I didn't get the committment that I wanted to not only give but recieve ... There were many things that I didn't get ... but there are two very important things in my life that I did get from that relationship. I got my boys. They are the best thing in the world to me. I wouldn't trade them for anything!

Love and be loved .... its the little things that make it all worth while ...

I'm having a hard time .....

2006-09-20T12:25:00.000-05:00

I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this ... I don't want to be weak ... I want to be strong, I want to make the right decisions but this being strong stuff is really hard ... Its really hard to do.

Its been a week of absolutely NO contact ... Last night was the first night that I actually got a decent nights sleep. I didn't wake up every 20 minutes looking at the clock ... I slept ... I crashed ...

The boys birthdays are coming up ... well, Aaron's just passed, it was the 16th of Sept. Austin's is coming up on the 14th of October. Normally we do a joint birthday party for both boys. They haven't said anything about a party, so I can only assume they'll do something for Austin on their own.

I don't know what I'll do for Austin yet. I'll have to think on that one ... he'll be 12 this year ... I don't know ...

I just don't know what to do .... Is this normal? If I'm such a good person, why am I alone? Why won't the stars align just for me? When will I hold the right cards in this game called Life?

And No, I haven't picked up the phone and even started to dial his number. And he wont' call me. Ah well ... guess thats why its called a break up ...

On a happier note ... My fireman friend are still talking ... he's a good man, with a good head on his shoulders ... and smart! How he can make me smile is beyond me. I wish we had tried harder to find each other and stick it out 20 years ago. Can't change the past though ... can only live for the future ... and you never know what the future holds ... I'm really glad to have my friend back.

Put your mind into other things .....

2006-09-18T15:01:00.000-05:00

So Sunday rolled around ... I went to the bowling alley and ran my youth/adult league like a good girl .... took our portable dvd player with us and Luke was in HEAVEN! He sat and watched Baby Signing Times and the Wiggles while I bowled. I was soooo happy with him!

We left the bowling alley and ran to the car in the rain ... BOTH of us were soaked! He said "Momma, I all wet, Momma wet toooo" so we went home, changed into dry clothes, left again to get Austin from his camping trip ... they got back just before the rain hit.

We got back home again and started CLEANING! My room is two piles of stuff away from being clean! I'm so excited! I rearranged it and everything. I'll have to take a pic to show you ... yes, there's boxes in the corners, but for the most part, its clean :D While I was cleaning, I came across some pictures of Dennis and his oldest son Aaron. I put them in an envelope with a little note to him saying that I thought he'd like to have them. I really couldn't see myself throwing them away. Any pictures of him with Austin or Luke (the few that I have) are still at the house.

One day at a time .... with no worries .... everything will work out for the best ....

I'm still talking to my Fireman ... he makes me smile and really knows how to brighten my day ... I'm glad I've got my friend back. I feel truely blessed.

Saw them today .....

2006-09-16T13:11:00.000-05:00

Weekends are going to be hard ... at least Saturday's will be. Aaron (Austin's brother) and Austin both bowl on the same team on Saturday's and Lucas and Dakota (Dennis's grandson) bowl on the same team.

Today, I tried to avoid the bowling alley since Austin is out of town camping. Since I'm the Youth Rep and in charge of the league, they called me wanting to know where I was. I told them that I overslept and went ahead and went in.

Dennis and Corinne were there. Today is Aaron's birthday and also the wedding day of their nephew Scott Lee. Anyway, Luke and I walk in, Dennis won't even look in our direction. You know what, thats fine. He doesn't need to look my way anymore. I don't need attention on the sly anymore. I just focused on helping Luke with his game and talking to the other kids there. All in all, it wasn't to bad. He did take a few minutes and took Luke to play some games after Luke was done bowling.

All is well .... I know you were wondering about me ... I'm good. :)

Step 1 to my promise to Me ....

2006-09-13T20:04:00.000-05:00

Decisions ....

We all have decisions to make ... we all have our crosses to bare ... today I made a decision that I never in the world thought I'd make. But after careful reflection and consideration I made the first decision that was good for me in a very long time.

I have to set an example for my kids .... I have to show them right from wrong. For far to long, I've shown them wrong. Today, I'm making it right. Today I ended things with Dennis.

If Stacey can make life changing decisions for her and Angel can make healthier changes for her ... I can get thru this too. I've got my friends ... I'm not telling my family, they'll figure it out, or Austin will tell them.

I know today was hard, very hard. Katie was right there on line with me and helped me thru most of it, I thank you very much for that Katie!!!! Today was definately difficult, but its only the beginning. I'm hoping and praying that I can stay strong and stick to my guns about this decision.

My promise .....

2006-09-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

I promise I will be true to ME and to my kids ... I promise to not let my heart do all of the thinking and I promise to think first before jumping in.

I will not have another Dennis situation. I refuse to do that again and he knows me well enough to know that when I say I'm not going to do something, I'm not going to do it.

He saw me without makeup, without fixing my hair and he didn't turn around and run. That makes me feel good .... really good.

After 20 years of not speaking to someone over stupid shit, it feels .... well, it feels like I can relax a little. Like a weights been lifted and I can breathe again. I don't know if its right for me to say he gave me that or I gave me that, but either way, right now, I'm living in the moment and enjoying every second of it. And doing so at a safe distance.

Yes, this relationship may never be... it may never go any further than where we are today, friends, but, you know what ... I'm fine with that. I set out to accomplish one thing .... to appologize to him for being such an idiot, for being such an ass. We've stepped in the right direction of healing many old wounds.

He's my friend. I'm glad I found him again. I really am.

I didn't post all of this for you guys to worry about me. I do appreciate the fact that you do, I love you all, very much!! Thank you guys, for caring enough about me to worry! (((BIG HUGS)))

Feels good!!

2006-09-12T09:34:00.000-05:00

I have no idea where things could eventually go. Right now its just a really good feeling to know that what you once felt for someone was how they felt/feel about you now. We've talked A LOT in the last couple of days. I have found out many things, I'm enjoying the friendship. I'm enjoying the adult conversation. It feels good to be me.

Here's a letter I got the other night, I think its the sweetest letter I've ever received in my life! ... he told me I could share w/my friends.

To my dearest Monica
The subject line of this e-mail is the understatement of the week.
Is fate so cruel to bring us together so we would only assume a test of our morality and constitution?
I would disagree?
I can only suggest that this re-acquaintance is a testimonial of love deeper than our senses can appreciate. A love so engraved with joy, happiness, and forth giving that has re-connected our souls to a new place in time.
I also venture to speculate that our physical and emotional attraction will endure the test of time, and negativity, which was shared by each of us; individually and as a collective.
So I would pose a promise to you that I will always consider your love to be intentional and uncompromised?for all eternity. I will not underestimate your will nor be complacent.
I pledge this faith as an oath to you. To take each day as a new experience and give you all that is me.
I love you so very much.
Jim

Life ....

2006-09-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

We had lunch today. It was really nice .... he called just before I left and had me meet him somewhere closer and we'd drive to lunch together since I'm not real familiar with this area. Just call me Geographically challenged .... (insert other terms as needed and or required). Anyway, we kept lunch to the hour just as required by my job ... We met at QT and drove over to Penn Station. We had Philly Cheesesteak Subs & Lemonaid! YUM! They were so good! I was good, I didn't order fries for me. The hour was over before we knew it ... He said we'd have lunch again one day.

We didn't invite our mutal friend this time. We felt we needed to talk things out alone. With her there, we'd never get to touch on any subject that we felt needed resolved. We talked for a long time over the weekend ... a LONG time ... I think we worked thru more this weekend than the entire time we dated. Its amazing how 20 years later, though we look a little different (ok, a lot different in my case, his belly was the only thing different on him) but our attitude is so much better. We've both grown up. Its nice.

Parents mean well when they step foot into our relationships as young adults. Mom didn't want me married right out of high school, I think she was afraid I'd struggle like she did. Since Jimmy was in the Army and my real dad was in the Army. She went to see my real dad and they got married... I think she was deathly afraid that when I went to see Jimmy in WA that summer that I'd come home married to him or even worse not come home. The summer I went to see him was the summer we split up.

I called my Mom today to tell her that I've been talking to Jimmy, the only thing she could say or did say rather was "thats nice" I don't know how to take that. Right now, Jimmy and I are friends, does he love me? yes. Same as before? possibly Will I be the reason things don't work in his current situation, his marriage? ABSOLUTELY NOT. We're not going down that path.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't have a clue what the future has in store for me. What I do know is that I'm enjoying the moment, enjoying reliving the past (and luck has it, that when he doesn't remember something right or the way I want him to, I just put my spin on it.... ) shhhh dont' tell ... He wants to know me, he wants to learn about the last 20 years ... I gave him the link to here, theres lots of crap here that will fill him in on most of it.

Life is kinda funny
it takes a turn
at an unexpected place
and takes you back
to a familiar face

The boy who once held you
who once made you sigh
He was your first true love
in everyones eyes

Turned into a Man
not the typical kind
Did he know all these years
he's been on my mind

He looked for me high
He looked for me low
Little did he know
I was right under his nose

Same towns and same schools
We crossed paths many times
but not near enough
to fix our hearts and our minds

He gave up all hope
He threw in the towel
tried giving his heart
to another nice gal

We have this strong bond
No others could break
Can you tell me one thing
Is this really fate?

I can't be the one
I won't do it to you too
Remember, she's the one
You said 'I do' to.

I'll still always love you
nothing'll ever change that
Just work on whats right
and know that I care.

If you end up single
some where down the road
come look me up
I won't be a toad ;)

Until that time comes
we will remain friends
friends without perks
I'm not sinning again

Time

2006-09-11T12:45:00.000-05:00

Put it into words
exactly how you feel
sometimes I don't know
if this is all for real

My mind sits and spins
of love found again
Love that was so right
is something out of sight

Talked on the phone
for hours on end
wishing the night
would never end

We felt so close
as if time stood still
What would he think
I hope he's not ill

His eyes looked the same
same wonderful smile
He still drives a truck
one gallon, two miles

I'm so glad I found him
on classmates.com
well worth the dime
to feel you've stopped time

He's Always Had My Heart

2006-09-10T07:59:00.000-05:00

He's always had my heart
I should have known it from the start
After all these years
and the many many tears

He's happy now in his life with her
He's a successful bright ole man
He's smart and clever as I remember
He's my favorite fireman

We once had love
and happiness
We were, lets say, bestfriends

What ties the heart
doesn't come apart
the hurts can all be mended

I thought it was gone
but it still holds strong
a good friendship never ends

He's always had my heart
I should have known it from the start

Are you Happy? Really Happy .....

2006-09-09T17:02:00.000-05:00

Define Happy....

Webster's Dictionary defination .....

hap·py (hp) Pronunciation Key adj. hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est
Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.
Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree. Often used in combination: money-happy; clothes-happy.

My defination today is knowing that someone you truely care about is in a good place, knowing that they have someone to take care of them in everyway, knowing that they once truely loved you and that they forgive you for all of your short comings and dumb ass ideas and actions.

Today I am happy. Today I feel as if a weight has been lifted after all these years.

Now if I could just get the rest of my life in order .....

So, we talked ....

2006-09-08T13:58:00.000-05:00

I got a few e-mails from my first love .... he's so happy.... and I'm happy for him. He's got 5 KIDS!! 5 .. No Lie! The oldest boy is his wife's from her first marriage, the next boy is his from a previous relationship. They have 3 together, 2 girls and a boy. He sent me a picture of his wife and kids ... they all look happy and healthy! We talked this morning on my way to work, I left late because of meetings ... he sounds good. We both have grown up quite a bit since we dated in high school. You think you don't change, but you really do. He turned 40 2 weeks ago, he rides his bike 12 miles a day or more when he's not at the firehouse. I can't even begin to tell you how good he sounded on the phone. He called ME at lunch time.

We just talked about how we hurt each other and different things that happened in our relationship. Things that made us stronger and things that stung. He told me that when I asked him a question, he always answered me truthfully, he said that he hoped I knew that. He told me that he thought when I went to Seattle to see him that I would stay there with him and not come back home. I still needed to finish high school, I couldn't do that, though the thought did cross my mind. He said that he wanted to marry me when I was there but was glad that we didn't cause we still had growing up to do.

He was kinda suprised that I wasn't married. He figured someone would have swept me up a long time ago. I told him that Monica isn't good at making good decisions for Monica, that she follows her heart instead of her head. I explained my life to him, I think he was suprised.

His wife knows that we are talking. I made it clear to him that I didn't want anything to happen that would get him into trouble ... been there, done that ... anyway, she knows that we are e-mailing each other, talking on the phone and even going to have lunch. Julie's a nice lady. I've met her before and she makes Jim happy. That is the most important thing, she makes him happy.

Almost forgot ... Hunt 4

2006-09-07T15:21:00.000-05:00

photo album=5 pts
stationary=5 pts
highschool yearbook=10 pts
sewer lid=15 pts
wedding dress=15 pts
slab bridge=15 pts
port a potty=10 pts OR 20 pts if you're in it
something out of reach=10 pts
something old=10 pts
lint tray=5 pts
your toothbrush=5 pts
something from your childhood=10 pts

My first Love ......

2006-09-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

First off, Thank you ladies for checking on me! I soooo appreciate it! I'm fine, kids are fine. We'll work thru it ....

I sent my first love an e-mail back in February and then in July thru classmates.com. Just to say hello and that I hoped he and his family were doing well. I got an e-mail back!! He said he's doing good, he just graduated with his BS in Fire Management or something like that ... He suggested that since he and I both work close together, that maybe we do lunch one day. We exchanged e-mail addresses and thats been it ....... NO, I'm NOT going to get in over my head. We are friends, simple as that, friends. When I e-mailed him back, I even suggested another friend go along.

I just thought it was sweet for him to e-mail me back .... its been awhile since we've seen each other. The last time we sat down together, we were both at a friends funeral. After the funeral, a bunch of us went out to dinner to catch up.

I love seeing old friends .....

Time to check out ....

2006-09-05T19:01:00.000-05:00

I guess thats what you'd call it ... check out for awhile .... check into some looney bin ... I feel like I'm going nuts ... I snap so easily, no its not PMS, I found out after my last break down, you know, when I was going to quit my job that was all related to that apparently, cause (TMI) I started the next day. Now, I know its not PMS ... Its just plain and simply stated BITCH. I don't know if I'm coming or going, no one is happy with me. My kids constantly fight with each other and with me. I have tried asking my Mom for help, I tried to ask for a break weeks ago, I only wanted a weekend. No one wants to take me seriously.

This past weekend, Austin just pushed all the right buttons, really pushed further than he ever has. I warned him that if he didn't knock it off I was going to deck him. He comes back with "You always say that but you never do." WRONG ... I punched him in the arm. Not just once, 5 times. I was so pissed. I walked away crying. I told his Dad what happened, and he told ME that I needed to calm down, never mind that HIS son pushes and pushes.

I call my Mom because Austin's mouth just keeps going even after Saturday's incident. I tell her he's driving me insane with all the back talk ... she gets on the phone with him, I hang up, they talk, when they are done, he tells me that Grandma says that I'm just a "B, you know a female dog" and that they joked I'm just like her dog Kimmy. NNNNIIIIICCCCEEEEE... I called her back and told her "yeah, um, thanks so much for the support" She asks if I'm being sarcastic ... I said um yeah, thats it. She asked what was wrong, I tell her what he said was said. She said that wasn't what was said and is PISSED that he added words to their conversation. What she said was that I was a brick head like the dog ....

I know the pressure isn't all Austin. I just don't get why I snap so easily. Last night I told my mom that I wondered if I had a chemical imbalance or something again, trying to ask what the hell my problem is, she just told me "Well, the dr can do tests to see if something is off" So what do I do, call the doctor and tell him I think I'm fucking nuts?

Nevermind that my grandpa had a mental breakdown at one time, when I don't know, my mom won't talk medical history with me. Apparently it runs on her side of the family, one of her cousins suffers from depression, I only found that out in passing. I get soooo frusterated that she wont' talk to me. The only thing she says is that my father's mother was diabetic and fat and that I need to loose weight to have a better life. UM ... Ya think?

It really sucks to drive down the road and think ... if I were to swerve here or drive off here ... yeah, these thoughts go thru my head from time to time. But I don't do it ... I would hope that I'd never do that .... I don't know if I'm coming or going ... I'm rambling ...

You know when Dennis figured out I was serious about Austin acting up?????? When I told him my MOM was pissed ... the rest of the time he thinks I'm over reacting....

Yes, some of the stress could be from being a single mom of 2 boys and working full time. Not enough time in the day or enough money in my account. Whatever ... again, I'm rambling ...

I'm sure I earned plenty of enemies today when I posted that I punched Austin in the arm. I know I did. No one's said anything, but I'm sure they will. Its just a matter of time. Some will understand, some will offer advice, some will just be here for me with a big hug and some will judge ... just a matter of time.

Scavenger Hunt week 3

2006-09-03T11:13:00.000-05:00

50 ft tree ... Had to really look for this.... 15 points

Movie Star ... 15 points

Book by fav Author ... 5 points

Golf Cart ... 10 points

Shopping Cart ... 5 points

Basketball Goal ... 5 points

Pay Phone ... 15 points ... should have taken a pic of my home phone ... pay for that dearly monthly!

Favorite Plant ... 5 points ... this was given to me at my baby shower for Luke.... its still alive...

YOUR Handwriting ... 10 points

Wrestling move ... 10 points ... Austin assures me this is a move ... ;)

Pond ... 5 points ...

Turkey ... 10 points

110 points total ...

Hunt # 3

2006-08-29T13:59:00.000-05:00

Here is the next week's hunt ....

50 ft tree=15 points
movie star=15 points
book by your fave author=5 points
shopping cart=5 points
golf cart=10 points
basketball goal=5 points
pay phone=15 points
your fave plant=5 points
YOUR handwriting=10 points
a wrestling move=10 points
a pond=5 points
a turkey=10 points

Have fun!!!

Hunt #2

2006-08-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

Menu 10 points - Burger King menu

Something you collect - 5 points - I collect Bells

Fav Pet - 5 points - This is our Dog Billy

Hobby - 10 points - Austin's hobby is collecting baseball cards

Valentine Gift - 10 points - Austin got me this for valentines day

Something from a first Love - 15 points - first gift from my first love ... awww

Game/Sports - 10 points - Austin bowling

boat - 5 points - we saw this in the lake ...

Bell - 15 points - I told ya, I collect em ... got all kinds ... ;)

Something representing your state - 10 points - St. Louis Arch

Lego Structure - 15 points - Thanks Austin!

Blue Liquid - 10 points - Toilet Bowl cleaner!!

total points - 120

Where do you go for support & encouragement?

2006-08-25T21:04:00.000-05:00

I can tell you where NOT to go .... especially today.

How do you ask for help in a way without asking for help? Seems I don't know the answer to that question.

I was ready to walk out on my job today .... I can't afford to do that, I have 2 kids, a dog, a house and a flipping car payment ... I got plenty of advice as to how to get fired, did I get any encouragment that things would get better ...

Oh, but there can be the whining and bitching on there about how someone didn't like the way someone else lost weight, or how much pain your in or your mad at your aunt in tim buck two or whatever and they fuckin come out of the woodwork to tell them how there's a silver lining or things will get better or the aunt in tim buck two is nuts ...

maybe I worded it wrong, maybe they thought it was a joke .... I wasn't joking ... I needed them and they let me down ... I needed the encouragement I'm always dishing out and got it from only two.

Thanks for checkin on me tonight .... you know who you are .... I appreciated that more than you know.

I'm just a miserable mess .... maybe a good nights sleep will help .... who knows

Jeannie ---- if you are reading --- I'm glad that everything is going well with Jordan in school, I'm sorry I talked your ear off tonight .... I'm glad that Lauren didn't have to do the heart cath today, I know she still will, but I'm glad it could be put off, at least for now ..... ((((HUGS TO YOU))))

Next Hunt .....

2006-08-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

Menu - 10 points
Something you collect - 5 points
Favorite pet - 5 points
Hobby - 10 points
Valentine Gift - 10 points
Something from a first love - 15 points
Game/Sports - 10 points
Boat - 5 pointsBell - 15 points
Something representing your state - 10 points
Lego Structure - 15 points
Blue Liquid - 10 points
***Post your pictures Sunday 8/27--by midnight--late posts will not count***
***Do not post before then***
***Make your own posts with your pictures, descriptions, and total points under the pictures/video forum***
***Use your imagination***

PW Scavenger Hunt .....

2006-08-20T21:24:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share with my blog friends our Scavenger Hunt .....

For this week, here is what we hunted

Fast Food Sign - 10 points

Mailman/Lady delivering mail (missed this one .... 0 points) however, Angel got creative on hers!! she had little people mailman delivering mail ... so cute!

Purple Cat - 10 points

Wild Animal - 10 points

Ugliest thing you own - 5 points

Snowman - 10 points

Someone sleeping - 5 points

Standing on your head - 10 points (Angel did this one ... I tried ... not happening)

Favorite toy - 5 points (add 15 if it can embarrass you) I only get 5 points

Something round - 5 points

Child/ren eathing french fries - 5 points

Plate of food - 5 points, add 5 points if well balanced - 10 points

That was fun!

I'm a mess!!

2006-08-16T11:45:00.000-05:00

Austin's first day at his new school is today .... his first time with a "schedule" .... his first time changing classes .... his first time on the bus with HIGH SCHOOLERS ... his first time not knowing which other kids are in his class, he only knows who ISN'T in his classes .... the first time I haven't met the teachers prior to school starting ... Open House is tomorrow, I can meet the teachers then. :S

I know he's fine .... I know he'll be fine ... I'm counting down the hours till he should be off the bus and in the house so that I can talk to him about his day.... I'm just a mess ...

The Message Board ....

2006-08-13T11:15:00.000-05:00

A couple of us got together last night and came up with our own scavenger hunt to be done weekly .... we created rules (Thanks Honkee, I borrowed a few of your rules for it) and we came up with a list of 12 for the first week. Hopefully it'll be a hit! I think it will get you and your camera out with the kids to get some fun pictures ... The board has been kinda slow, maybe this will liven it up some. Jeannie, thank you for taking the time to make this happen! Jamie and Deana, thank you for staying up late with us to get pic ideas and get the rules together!!

Happenings this week .....

Austin completed his "College for Kids" courses. He totally wants to go again next year!! My mom went with him to his last Biology class and helped him disect the sheeps eye. He had a blast!! Austin is at the lake this weekend fishing with his dad and step-mom. I hope he had a great time! I so miss him when he's gone, but he needs to get out.

Luke got a haircut this weekend and didn't scream like he has in the past ... no more helmet head for him (at least for a month or so) He looks so grown up with his new hair cut ... He's learning things I never imagined .... the other night, he called me a "BADWORD" ... yes, that is what he said ... "BADWORD" I told him that wasn't a nice thing to say and he told me that I could go to timeout and I should shutup. ugggg, guess I've told the dog one to many times to shutup.

I heard thru a mutual friend that our friend Joe is doing very well in his life (we don't get to talk as much as we used to, he switched jobs) he's met someone and is very happy! YAY JOE!!! His youngest has graduated high school now.... I'm seriously so happy for him!!!

My friend Sherry (2 years older than me w/the grandbaby) IM'd me and asked us to come out to her house next Sunday.... she's going to have her grand daughter there for the day. I haven't been to her house in close to 9 years now .... I'm kinda excited about going to visit her.

My Mom did a painting project, she painted some wrought iron flower fence for a lady with mega cash .... The lady loved the way this fence turned out and wants my Mom to paint some more things for her. I'm excited for my Mom and hope this business adventure pans out for her!

My Nephew wants to go live with his deadbeat dad ... my sister is letting him ... after she fought so hard to get custody of he and his sister. I don't understand why she's letting him go live with a guy who's just recently lost his foot to drunk driving ... HE was the drunk driver!!! AGAIN!!! I just don't get it ....

Thats all for now .....

So many PW friends, so little time & money .....

2006-08-06T08:52:00.000-05:00

There are so many of my PW friends that I'd love to meet .... I just wish I could afford to take vacation and go visit them all.

So far I've met Shelley, Katie and Stacey. I've talked to Angel, Angie, Lin, Jeannie and Jenn C. Jenn just moved back home, so we should get to meet her soon, well, after she's settled into her new house and the heat subsides some.

I'd love to meet so many of my PW friends, its hard to think of where we'd like to start.

I've been trying to get work to send me to Austin, TX, the only thing would be I wouldn't have the boys with me ... If they were to let me go there, I'd take an extra day or three and drive to see my buddies Angel, Ruthie and Cathy!!! ahhhhh we'll see.

Austin said "Mom, We could go to Arkansas and see Aunt Nancy on our way back home after seeing Jeannie" How fun would that be!!

Bought a car ..... this and that ....

2006-08-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

Well .... my car died .... within a week it went from needing work to needing a burial.

Last weekend SATURDAY I went looking at cars and was offered $1500 - 2000 for my 2001 Chevy Impala with 184690 miles on it. (yeah, a lot of miles) I thought, hell, I can live with that for a trade in. MONDAY, all is well or so I thought, go to my last photography class, finish up with class, start the car up and it is just kinda chug chugging, sputtering and just not showing much sign of wanting to run. I meet my Mom & Dad to get Luke from them (Austin was staying there, he had college for kids) Dad tells me to get some stuff and put it with the gas (Marvel's Mystery Oil), the car is ok once you get it going. I put that in and it helped a little, the car is still sputtering and just not right when you are sitting at a stop light or in traffic. This goes on all week ...

Fast forward to Friday .....

I search the web and papers for new cars ... Dad makes phone calls to dealerships .... I have a program thru work that I can get a discount on a Subaru ... I fill out the paperwork, get the approval sent to me. I meet Dad and we head out to the Subaru dealer. We get there at 5pm, car is acting worse than it was on Monday ... they give me $700 for my car .... Dad says thats fair ... we didnt' leave there with my new car till 10pm, they only had one Finance guy there as the other was on vacation. I picked out a Subaru Forrester, its champaign gold, all wheel drive. Austin was so excited ... as soon as I got to mom's to get the boys, he ran out and started searching for "secret" compartments.

I really like my new car ... but am kinda sad to see my Impala go ... we had to go back up to the dealership this morning to take the other sets of keys up there for it and to get Luke's Barney CD. Luke yelled all the way there wanting to hear Barney .... I told him that I'd see if we could get it. The salesman was so sweet, he told Luke, that for him, he'd go and get it.

Austin asked me to take him to his Dad's house so that his dad could see the new car. I told Luke he had to stay in the car cause we had to go school shopping for Austin. D comes out to see the car, and takes Luke out of the car. When we got ready to leave, Luke wouldn't get back in the car, he wanted to stay with D. Dennis said that was fine, Luke could stay there while we ran to the store .... I got Austin a few (5) new t-shirts, a pair of shorts and a pair of pants, his backpack, binder, ruler, paper, notebooks, folders, pencils, pens, kleenex, highlighter and book covers for $118, oh yeah, Luke got 2 pair of jeans and 2 shirts. ONE DOLLAR of that was tax ....

Guess thats all for now ....

Time for an update!

2006-08-04T14:24:00.000-05:00

I know its been awhile .... lets see ....

I called Jeannie from my message board ... she's never talked to any of us, so I thought I'd suprise her yesterday with a call. She sounded so sweet! and Lauren, just like Luke, had to talk. I can't wait for the day that we can all meet! Angel suprised her with a phone call too! It was a nice feeling to talk to a friend for no other reason than to talk. Not cause you wanted something or they wanted something, just to talk and say hello.

My baby .... yeah, I can still call him my baby even at age 11 .... Austin, had his appendix removed on July 17. That was an ordeal all on its own. I thought he had the flu ... I had no idea it was his appendix. Tests came back on it and yes, it was infected and needed to come out. He's now enrolled in Middle School - 6th Grade! I can't believe it! It feels like yesterday that he started Kindergarten. 3 more years Luke will be in Kindergarten. Austin is attending College for kids, he has 3 more days of that ... he LOVES IT! Next year, I'm definately signing him up again.

Luke is growing like a weed! He's talking up a storm, I'm so proud of him! He misses Austin, since Austin's been going to college, he's stayed at Grandma's house. The boys will get re-aquainted this weekend and will probably both want a break again.

My car is not doing well .... it spits and sputters ... its just not been the same since I had the transmission fluid changed before going to Milwaukee. Its a 2001 .... with 185,xxx miles on it. Dad says its due to be upgraded ... aka traded in. I hate the thought of car payments again though. uggggggg

Me ... I'm doing fine, minding my own business, not responding to any posts that might become heated, basically keeping my nose clean on the board as well as in my personal life.

Work has been a challenge ... other duties as assigned are killing me ... not much time to post/catch up on things. I've now been with the same company for 10 years!! 10 years!! can you believe it! Thats a long time, well feels like it anyway.

Guess thats about it for now, I promise to post again soon! Maybe I'll get a chance to take some pics this weekend and post those.

Luv ya!!!

What a day .....

2006-07-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

A certain board member returns, yeah she whines, stirs the pot and moves on. She's got issues, but comeon, who doesn't. There was a lot of drama over her post about whats been going on the last few months in her life. Almost makes me sorry I said hello to her. Almost.

I'm not perfect ... yes, my children are a product of an affair with a married man and boy oh boy did I have that thrown in my face by a friend. I'm still hurt that they felt it necessary to go there .... all is forgiven, however it still hurt. I don't discuss my personal life on the board and I've always been honest when I'm asked about it. I refuse to judge someone else on their extra activities whatever they may be when I'm in no position to talk. This is EXACTLY WHY I don't bring my personal life onto the board. I don't talk about money or credit cards either, those subjects just really gets people in a pissy mood.

Now I realize there are others from our board that read my blog ... if you didn't know this about me and are hurt and disgusted with me, I'm sorry. You don't have to talk to me or read my blog. I'm still me, I still try look for the silver lining in things and I still have good intentions ... and my life will go on ....

I'm just hurt, plain and simple hurt ... other than that, I'm busy at work, I really think they are setting me up for a fall by throwing new accounts at me to handle. I don't get away from here at lunch as a result of the additional accounts.

My boys are doing well. Austin has been spending a lot of time with his Dad and Step-Mom this month. He's been enjoying himself there, but I can tell he's happy to get home with his Mom. I haven't had a weekend with him since sometime in June and probably won't for a couple more weeks **sigh** He's going in a couple of weeks on vacation with them too. Luke is really excelling in preschool ... He's saying his ABC's and recognizing some of them. and Numbers ... he's counting to 13 on his own and counted to 50 with help ... YAY LUKE! Preschool has been working on a new classroom, they should have that open soon and he'll have daily classwork going on....

Thats all for now.

10 things I like about myself .....

2006-06-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

This is hard... I say that because there are so many things that I dislike about myself ... but ... because my dear friend Angel said I had to do it ... I'll give it a shot ....

1. I like that even under the color, I don't have that much gray hair
2. I love being a mom, its hard work, but I love it!
3. I love that I have caring, supportive parents
4. I love that the pictures I take really seem to impress people, and not just impress them to give me BS responses, I truely believe they like some of my pictures
5. I like that I made the call to St. Alexius New Start - The center for Surgical Weight-Management .... its a start
6. I love that I have so many friends that care enough to make me want to live a healthier life.
7. I love that I care for people ... all people ...
8. I really like that I signed up for the photography class .... it may not be for college credits, but at least its going to college .... set a little example for the boys
9. I'm glad I showed some restraint when Luke came out of the bathroom COVERED in toothpaste ....
10. I like that I have fun bowling even though lately I really stink doing it ......

Soooo .... I feel I'm destined to stay fat .....

2006-06-21T10:06:00.000-05:00

I called about getting information on the lapband surgery for weight loss .... I first called my insurance company to see if it would be covered, they said yes, 100% if its medically necessary. So I called the Hospital/Program that my sister told me about (she works there with the surgeons) They tell me that the DR's haven't even been fully trained on that procedure yet and when they get 3 people lined up for it, they will fly someone in to train the surgeons ..... I'm like ok thanks.

UM HELLO ... Do I honestly want someone doing a procedure on me that hasn't got ANY under their belt??????

I'm looking at another hospital/program, their surgeons have hundreds under their belt .... I may get the nerve to call them later after the techs clear out of here .... we'll see .... one day of disappointment a week is really enough for me ...

A day out .....

2006-06-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today we decided to go to a St. Louis County Park ... Lone Elk Park. Its a park that has quite a bit of wild life, some of which you can get out of your car and take pictures of, some you need to stay in your car and just drive thru .... The Bison area you need to stay in the car and they have it posted that Bison have been known to damage cars .... scarey huh ... We drive thru the first time and see some turkey, my MOM gets OUT of the car to take pictures .... the entire time I'm telling her its NOT a good idea ... anyway, we didn't see any Bison so all was well, but still ... the sign said .... ugggg

Turkey pictures ....

We found some more turkey and got some great shots, then we found the Elk .... some females first ... they were right by the road and apparently they think they own the place since its "named after them" We got some good pictures of the females and they walk behind the car, Austin is watching out the window at them and yells "UM MOM .... Its chasing us" (I'm not even doing 5mph) I look in the mirror and the darn B!tcH KICKS my car!! She walks around the car and my mom continues to take pictures. Mom says to her "Thank you" and she (the elk) just looks at her. My mom says "Did you really kick the car?" and the darn thing comes charging at my mom. She screamed and jumped back practically on my lap. We about died laughing ... that thing was total attitude ... Here's a picture of her .....

So we drive on and find the "men" Dad and I get out and take pictures of them ... amazing, they were very laid back ... and even NAPPING!

This squirrel looks like he's taking a shit .... yes, I say he ... only a man would be bold enough to do that in public ...

I'm not sure what kind of bird this is, but thought he looked kinda cool

and maybe this is just my warped sense of humor, but I found this kinda funny

Hope you enjoyed our day out ...

Photo Scavanger Hunt

2006-05-31T22:20:00.000-05:00

Got this idea from Honkeie2

For rules ... click here ...

Photo Scavanger Hunt

For May, the following we were to hunt for .....

Local bum doing bum things: 15 points
Local land mark with location and description: 5 points
Cashier at any store you frequent: 30 points
Road kill: 35 points, if you killed it 100 points
People in car next to you at red light: 10 points
Someone you find good looking/hot/do able or attractive: 40 points
Someone you find nasty/fugly/to ugly to fuck with your eyes closed: 40 points
Mailman/woman: 15 points
Geek Squad(if you know what they are): 100 points
Your favorite store/restaurant: 10 points---add 5 points if you are in picture of store.
Funny bumper sticker: 15 points
A street mime: 100points
Your favorite toy: 15 points
Drive up fast food menu: 25 points
Any road side sign that has some humor in it: 50 points(give explanation if needed)
Personalized liscene plates: 20 points
Road side trash: 15 points
Trailer park: 25 points
One more here-----People doing summer time fun things; ppl in the park, ppl playing sports, anything where ppl are enjoying the sun: 25 points

My first picture is my favorite convenience store and the cashier standing outside on her smoke break ... does that count for 40 pts????

Second .... Landmark and description - St. Louis Arch taken from top of Monks Mound at Cahokia Mounds in IL. 5 pts

Third ... yeah, its a stretch ... roadside trash .... 15 pts ...

Fourth ... people doing summer things ... 25 pts ...

Fifth ... Favorite toy (the slide, keeps him busy for hours) .... 15 pts ...

So, grand total of 90 points ....

Its been awhile .... so I've been told ;)

2006-05-23T20:58:00.000-05:00

lets try this again ....

My friend Lin is having surgery in 2 days. One thing I'm so happy about this time round is that Gary is home and will get to be with her during the surgery .... She certainly won't feel like she's going thru it alone with him there. I hope she knows she's in my thoughts and prayers.

My boys ... I couldn't be more proud of my kids than I am at this very moment ... Austin got straight A's for the 6th year in a row! He's now a Gateway Young Achiever Alumni and was recognized by the School Board as such. I feel like Luke is really excelling in preschool. He seems to really like it there and in the few short months he's been there has started counting to 10 (of course when HE wants to) and he says his ABC's.

My house ... I've been on a little bit of a cleaning kick ... my room is almost presentable now ... I've got quite a bit together for a yard sale.

Remodeling ... I want to re-do my bathroom. I've re-grouted the tiles in the shower about 5-6 times in the last 6 years .... its gotta go .... We found a shower surround and faucets that will only cost about $150. I'm spending my Memorial Weekend tearing out the old tile and possibly dry wall if its shot too. I may have to have shower curtains up for awhile till my Dad can help me install the new stuff, but thats ok ... I can make due, its only temporary, right???

My backyard .... I want to put up a retaining wall and get my fence OUT of the neighbor's yard. (it sits 4 ft into their yard due to the hill that my house sits on) Since we had the other dog the hill has been washing away, he completely tore up the hillside. Anyway, that may be a project that will have to wait awhile ... Dad thinks its going to cost big bucks .... I hope not ...

Anyway, guess thats it for now ....

darn it

2006-05-23T19:04:00.000-05:00

I had this whole long post done and ready to go and I don't know what the hell happened .... I'll re write later ....

Fair warning ... TMI ....

2006-05-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

Every month, I feel as if I have "Out of Body Experiences" Meaning ... that I feel like I'm watching myself out of control and I can't do anything to make it quit ... I can't shut it off ... I see myself yell and scream and turn instantly into the Tazmanian Devil ....

I really don't want to go to the doctor, I just want it to go away. The last time I said something to the dr, they changed my pills ... They can't say its from birth control pills cause I'm not on any, I had my tubes tied right after Luke was born and haven't been to the Doctor since that time (that Dr. anyway). I'm sure its related to AF, since typically I start within a day or two of blowing up.

I know it scares the hell out of my kids when I get this way ... I know it does cause it scares the hell out of me, and they are usually the ones who get the brunt my craziness ....

Any thoughts?

Survey

2006-04-09T19:57:00.001-05:00

I stole this from Angel (who I'm so happy to see posting again!)..

Accent - normal, everyday sound.

Booze of choice - Bud Light

Chore I hate - Laundry. It never ever ends.

Dog or Cat -DOG - cats are just nasty ...

Essential Electronics -Microwave, Washer & Dryer and computer of course!

Favorite perfume/cologne - Musk

Gold or Silver - Silver though most of my jewlery is gold.

Hometown - I was born in St. Louis, MO moved to Pacific, MO when I was 2. I've lived within 16 miles of Pacific ever since. My son goes to school in Pacific, just as I did.

Insomnia - only when I travel

Job Title - Service Delivery Coordinator by day .... Momma by night

Kids - I've got 2. Austin (11) & Luke (2)

Living Arrangement - Single Mom w/2 monsters in the house at all times! ;)

Most Admired Trait - I've been told that I'm sweet. I try to do anything I can for others.

Overnight Hospital Stays - Both births, and a 2-3 day stay when I fell off of a horse and twice as a kid, once with really bad flu and the other when I fell and they thought I may have damaged my splien.

Phobia - losing one of my kids, crowds and driving in IL.

Quote - From my Mom "I'll tell you when its time for you to worry."

Religion - Catholic

Siblings - two sisters, 2 years and 6 years younger and a half sister.

Time I wake up - work days 5:30 and every other day around 7:00.

Unusual talent/skill - Ummmm, I can roll my tongue

Vegetable I refuse to eat -cucumbers

Worst Habit - biting fingernails

X-rays - several times, more than I wish to remember.

Yummy foods I make -Spaghetti!

Zodiac sign -Tarus

It shouldn't bother me .... but it does

2006-03-21T09:14:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying that I don't care what you do ... if you want to use drugs, thats your business and I'm not going to judge you for it, but at the same time, I'm not going to feel sorry for your newborn and 5 year old are pulled from your custody either.

Dennis's sister just had a new baby. He's about 2 weeks old. During her entire pregnancy, she smoked pot and did other drugs. She was asked by her doctor if she was doing drugs, she said yes. DFS called and called her during the pregnancy, she knew the risks she was taking by doing drugs. The baby had drugs in his system. They arrested Dennis's sister out at her Mom's house and sent the baby and his older sister to a foster home.

I'm sorry ... I just can't find it in my heart to feel for Dennis's sister. She knew what she was doing. She knew it was against the law and that they would be testing her. She knew all of this and yet she still did it. My heart goes out to those kids and even to Dennis's Mom. They wouldn't let the kids stay with her because thats where their Mom was recooperating from her C-Section.

I'm so sorry if this pisses anyone off. I wasn't trying to do that .... as I said, what you do in your free time is up to you, I'm in no position to judge anyone. Am I wrong to think this way?

This, That and The Other

2006-03-20T12:28:00.000-06:00

This past week has been a good one, a busy one, but a good one for the most part. Yes, I was sick again, another cold.... I'll live ...

Luke turned 2 last Wednesday. Grandpa sang "Happy Birthday" to Luke on the Answering Machine. I made him a firetruck cake to take to preschool. They ate about half of it and sent the rest home. Its in the freezer cause we really don't need that much cake. We had Luke's birthday party the Sunday before his birthday. I baked him a car cake for that party, there was NONE left. He got a book from Grandma and Grandpa, he got a GO GO BIKE, helmet and horn from Momma and Austin and from Debbie and Ray he got him some Mr. Potato head kinda toys. (no eyes came with this, came with an extra pack of arms... and its Luke's favorite toy now!)

Austin had a Powerpoint project to do for school, he had to present it Thursday night. He did a good job, didn't have as much detail as other kids did, but enough. He did his presentation on Papillons. He liked it and was happy with it, thats really all that matters.

This past weekend Austin and his older brother Aaron were in a bowling tournament in Lees Summit, MO. The boys did alright. They had fun, thats what was most important. I've found that Austin's brother is a bigger baby than Luke is when it comes to getting his way. I can't even begin to count the number of times he stomped and pouted and cried over the weekend. It was rediculous. And LISTEN ... OMG, that boy can not listen to save his life. By the time we left the pool, I was SOOO tired of telling Aaron to quit holding Austin under the water.

Austin and I rode up with his Dad, step-mom and brother. 3 1/2 hour drive felt a lot longer than that. We left Friday evening and got back Sunday night around 7:30. Grandma and Grandpa were watching Luke and had brought him home so that I didn't have to drive any further. Luke said "Hi Momma" and went about playing. This morning when he woke up, he asked me "Where Papa" I told him that he's at work, so he starts asking for Nana.

The trip was interesting ... I got kinda aggrivated ... Dennis tells me how they don't have money, but to kill time this weekend, we go to "Super Target" and Corinne spends $58 on nothing she needed. THEN, because Aaron wanted "Outback" for dinner that is where we ended up, nevermind the wait was 70 minutes. I told them I didn't care where we went to eat, I had never been to Outback (and at that time didn't know the prices) $70 for 3 adults and 2 kids to eat!! I said something to Dennis about the amount of money that was getting forked out on everything and he says, "Yeah, It's not her money, she doesn't care" I have NO idea why he stays there, you certainly can't feel the love there.

Guess thats about it ... I'm glad to be home with my baby again .... and Next year, the tournament is LOCAL!!!!! 20 minutes from the house ... which means .... I can drive myself, eat where I want to eat and not be on anyone's schedule but mine. :)

Random Nothings ...

2006-03-09T10:17:00.000-06:00

~ My baby will be 2 in just a few days

~ I'm baking and decorating Luke's birthday cake. I so hope it turns out. IF not, you won't be seeing any pictures

~ I haven't been to the Dr. for an annual checkup since I was released from having my tubes tied. (April, 2004)

~ Gary, Lin, and Gunner are in my prayers.

~ Winona makes me laugh.

~ Austin has grown up way to fast.

~ Austin is going to show his dog this weekend in a puppy dog show. (class B show) He's excited!

~ I LOVE Luke's new Preschool.

~ My neice came home from the hospital with tons of antibiotics

~ Luke won't go to sleep anymore unless I lay with him on the couch or I'm holding him. Sometimes he'll go to sleep w/Austin laying with him on the couch.

~ Luke see's Gunner's picture on the computer and says "Gunger" its so cute!

~ My boss had sinus surgery yesterday, I feel so bad, not one of the techs have asked how he's doing.

~ One of my techs wife had their baby this morning! They tried to induce her 3 different times, Friday, Saturday and again Wednesday. Took the baby C-Section this morning. Baby boy weighs 9 lbs 3 ozs.

~ Yesterday my techs were absolute A$$es. They told me I looked like Mimi from Drew Carey and that all I needed was the troll dolls on my desk. Today they are just prix ... and are telling me that I look pretty. D!ck Heads!

~ I'm making curtains for Gavin's room!! I'm so excited! I love to sew ... when I want to. ;)

Guess thats all for now ...

Say Good-bye to Leukemia

2006-03-02T15:07:00.000-06:00

One of my friends/co-workers is doing a Triathlon in Texas for the fight against Leukemia & Lymphoma. Any support that I can drum up for Katie would be greatly appreciated!!! Please Help if you can! Katie's letter and link to donate is below..... Remember, any donation, no matter how small is a tax deduction!

Dear Friends and Family,

Now that I?ve been living in Austin for a while and have gotten somewhat accustomed to the climate and can handle blistering heat and high humidity for almost 5 minutes at a time, I?ve decided to tackle a much more serious issue. After careful consideration, I have signed up to do the Capital of Texas Triathlon to benefit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

I?ve made a personal commitment to help others by joining The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Team in Training. I?m training to complete an Olympic-distance triathlon, which will include a 1-mile swim, 24-mile bike ride and 6-mile run. My team and I not only run, bike, and swim together, we are also raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. This money will fund research, education and patient assistance for those dealing with blood-related cancers including leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin?s disease and myeloma.

You may wonder why I?m doing all this. I wondered too, but only for a little while. While doing another triathlon, I saw a woman who had to be helped into the water because she was missing her left leg, lost due to cancer. The crowd cheered wildly as she passed her crutches off to a helper. I have never forgotten that sight and would like to do whatever I can to insure it doesn?t have to happen to another person.

Cancer, in one way or another, has affected all of us. Something that many people are unaware of is that chemotherapy was discovered as a result of research funded by The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

My Team in Training is keeping me on pace with my training and offering invaluable advice and encouragement. Swimming and cycling come easily to me so with a little training under my belt and a lot less chocolate in my cupboards, I?ll be OK. For me, the run portion of this event will be my own personal struggle but it?s a lot easier than sitting thru a few rounds of chemotherapy.

I?m training and will complete this event in honor of all those who have gone before me.

My goals are to:
Finish the Capital of Texas Triathlon with my dignity intact
Raise no less than $2,500 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

Will you help me reach my fundraising goal? Your contribution of any amount is 100% tax-deductible. You can contribute by writing a check payable to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society or you can use a credit card. Please fill out the enclosed form and send it back with your contribution by April 15, 2005. Donations can also be made through my website at: http://www.active.com/donate/tntctx/tntctxKLane

Thanks!
Katie

AWWWW MAN!

2006-02-22T11:33:00.000-06:00

Such a cute little phrase coming out of a 23 month old mouth ... AWWW MAN!! I didn't had the slightest idea where he got that from. We don't watch Dora, so he couldn't have gotten that from Swiper (ok, we've seen it a few times). I asked the Preschool if they say that there, nope, not them either. Its just so darn cute to hear him say it with such meaning.

I read thru some comments that were left on Jamie's blog, mine being one of them and what do I read .... I TYPED awww man in response to Winona's comment .... Its ME ... he picked it up from ME. I didn't even realize that I said that until just now.

Friends of all ages....

2006-02-21T22:16:00.000-06:00

Gary, Lin's husband, has earned himself a friend for life ... I asked Austin tonight if he'd like to be Gary's pen-pal while Gary is over-seas. Austin was thrilled about the idea of writing to a Soldier. Austin decided to write Gary a poem ...

Safely
Guiding
Troops

Guarding
Always
Ready
Youthful

Responsible
Outstanding
Brave
Early riser
Respectable
Tough
Self-Confident
On Patrol
Noble

Austin was so happy to get an e-mail back from Gary, he made me quit typing questions to Lin so that he would have something to write to Gary later.

I just have to say that I feel like I have some wonderful friends thru PW and I'm glad I'm getting to know more people from the board. I truely feel blessed.

Gary, please stay safe, you'll be in our thoughts and prayers. We look forward to meeting you when you get back home! Lin, thank you for introducing Gary to Austin.

Am I old enough for this?????

2006-02-20T13:48:00.000-06:00

My best friend from High School is a Grandma now!!! She's not even 40 yet!!! She had Samantha about a month or so after graduating from High School. Now Samantha, going on 21 this July, just had herself a little baby girl. Nevaeh Renae was born on Valentine's Day! She weighed 7 lbs 2 ozs and was 19 1/2 inches long.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mlwiller/detail?.dir=b07e&.dnm=4e39scd.jpg&.src=ph

Congrats Grandma Sherry! Samantha, You & Trent did a great job, she's beautiful! But I'm not old enough for this ...... am I ????

Prayers Hugs & Support

2006-02-18T00:46:00.000-06:00

Katie, Shayne & Abers ....
Sending many prayers, hugs, thoughts, more prayers, and lots more hugs your way. While it may not feel like it right now, everything will work out the way its meant to be.

Katie girl ... I'm here if you want to talk. (((((HUGS))))

Still Sick ...

2006-02-17T12:44:00.000-06:00

So ... I went back to the Dr since I'm sick again ... I have a sinus infection .... the positive out of the whole visit is that I've lost another 6 pounds!!! I'm so freekin happy ....

CONGRATS Katie, Shayne & Abram!

2006-02-16T15:27:00.000-06:00

Congrats to Katie, Shayne & Abram on the upcoming October addition to their family!!!!

Wishing you a very healthy, easy pregnancy and delivery!!!

LIN Tagged me via e-mail Winona Tagged Me in Blog!!

2006-02-16T13:48:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by Lin & Winona

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Camp Counselor for Mo Easter Seals
2. Waitress
3. Factory Worker
4. Admin Assistant
5. Service Delivery Coordinator

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. A Knight's Tale
2. As Good as it Gets
3. the Walmart baby movie (I hate that I can't remember the name
4. Fever Pitch

Four places you have lived in:
1. Richmond Heights, MO
2. Pacific, MO
3. Union, MO
4. Gray Summit, MO

Four tv shows you love to watch:
1. Numbers
2. CSI(s)
3. The Ghost Whisperer
4. The Young & The Restless

Four places you have gone on vacation:
1. Orlando, FL
2. Colorado Springs, CO
3. Branson, MO
4. RockBridge, MO

Four websites I visit daily:
1. PregnancyWeekly.com
2. Commercebank.com
3. Blogspot.com
4. kmov.com

My four favorite foods:
1. Chicken Parmesan
2. Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream
3. Sid's cooking (Austin's uncle)
4. Take5

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Bed
2. NOT SICK
3. HOME
4. Shopping

Four friends I am tagging:
I'm not going to tag anyone else, I'm just going to wait to see who else will do this.

My Update ....

2006-02-16T12:24:00.006-06:00

Luke started Preschool on Monday!

He walked in like he owned the joint ... I was so proud of him, but sad all at the same time. My little guy didn't need me .... I set his stuff down so that I could sign him in and when I turned around to take his coat off, he was gone ... I looked around and found him in the next room with all of the cars and trucks and best yet, a ROAD RUG!!!! He was in heaven! I made it about 45 minutes down the road before I called to check on him, maybe he missed me or needed me ... NOPE ... he was fine, playing with the other kids. I called again around nap time, he didn't nap, but layed on his cot like a big boy and watched a movie. I got there to pick him up right around 5 PM, he saw me walk in the door, he said "Hi Momma" I said "Hi Luke" and I went to sign him out, turned around to see him sitting on the floor with more toys. I asked him if he was ready to go home, he said in a big proud voice "No Momma, I Preschool!" After about 25 minutes of coaxing, I get him to put his coat on and go home with me. I tell him that he can come back and play the next day with the kids. I get him home, he was an angel!!! I'm telling you, I don't know what happened to my little hell on wheels ... he ate his dinner and played, he was such a delight to be around!

Tuesday - Valentine's Day

Austin and I took Luke to preschool. Luke is one happy dude there! He's adjusting very well to Preschool life! I took Austin to school and went home to rest up for his party! Got to Austin's school about 1:45ish with pizza, cupcakes, prizes for games, soda etc etc ... We played about 4-5 games, it was a blast! We did the liccorice race, you take string liccorice and put a marshmellow at the end of it and the first one to have the marshmallow in their mouth w/o using their hands wins ... we made it a team event ... (Austin's team didn't win that one) We went into the hall and did a VALENTINE relay race ... another team event ... (Austin's team won) they had to run and get a heart from the basket, and had to spell out Valentine ... some hearts were blank .... the next race was you had to run to the center of the hall, pick up a heart and do what it said on the heart .... for example if it said walk like an elephant, thats what they had to do going back to their line ... the first group to complete the hearts won. (Austin's team won!) Then we did a Prize Walk ... you know, like a cake walk (austin won 3x) then we did a Valentine's Day word search ... see how many words you could make from Valentine's Day. Austin won that too! We had a lot of fun! We picked Luke up and went to Ponderosa for dinner. Again, both boys were angels for dinner!

Last night after I picked Luke up, I told him we needed to go and get Austin from Jenny's house. Luke screamed at me, no Jenny no Jenny momma. I told him it was ok, he didn't have to stay, he calmed down a bit .... till I undid his seatbelt at her house so that we could go and get Austin. We went inside and Luke kept crying, "Momma I go bye-bye ..." Needless to say, our visit was a short one. Do you get the feeling Preschool was the best thing I could have ever done for him???? I sure do ...

Today, Luke wasn't as thrilled about preschool ... I could see him crying from the door as I went down the road ... MOOOOOOOMMMMMMM MMMMMAAAAA. I called about 30 minutes later and he was off playing .... don't know whats up with that ...

and I'm SICK AGAIN!! another sinus infection or something .... I had sinus surgery about 5 years ago, they removed polips and stuff from my sinus cavity ... I'm wondering if those aren't back ... is that possible that they'd come back? I don't know ... think its almost time to call the dr.

Wow, its been awhile .....

2006-01-27T09:21:00.000-06:00

Oops ... Sorry about that, I didn't realize its been a month since I updated anything.... lets see, whats happened .... Well, My New Year's Resolution ... I've lost 7 lbs ... its not much compared to some, but its something in the right direction. Since my scale cries, I've resorted to using my Mom's scale on Sunday Nights .... yes, at night ....

Lets see... what else is going on ... Austin got into the School Spelling Bee ... unfortunately he didn't move forward to the St. Louis Post Dispatch event. He tried ... I'm very proud of him for that ... last year he didn't want to be in front of people and take a chance of spelling something wrong. This year, what a trooper, he did it and even congradulated the winner. :)

Luke is now 22.5 months old ... we are going to start Daycare probably on Monday .... I was going to hold off till mid February, but really feel he needs to go now. The hardest thing for him is going to be that Austin won't be there with him. I think it will be equally hard on Austin. They really do adore each other. Luke needs to be in a more structured environment than he's been in. He needs consistant rules between the children there, he needs the interaction of adults and children. Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself, no, I'm really not. He needs this for his well being and development.

The hard part for me is leaving the sitter he's at now. She is their cousin and I know she needs the money. But, that really isn't my problem, is it?? I plan to pay her for the 2 weeks that I gave her notice for. Hopefully that'll sufice without any hard feelings or anything. I HATE Confrontation ... I don't handle it well.

What else ... lets see ... One of my best friends left her ex-husband (they've been divorced for probably 23 years, just lived together) thats been interesting since I'm friends with both of them ...

Austin got his report card ... Straight A's (except for Art, he got a B in there)

I've set a date to meet Shelley from PW. We are going to meet up Feb 11! I can't wait! I think Vincent and Luke will have fun together ... or at least I hope they will.

We are planning a trip to Florida over Easter. We're leaving the Wed night before Easter and coming back home the Monday after. Austin is SO excited ... Colorado last year, Florida this year! We're going with some friends of ours and staying with her Mom. Its sooo cool!!

Austin is going to a dog show this weekend with my Mom and one of her friends. Austin is SO excited! Hope he learns a lot there!

Later!

New Year's Resolution

2005-12-29T13:05:00.000-06:00

Ok, we've all said this before and we've all heard it before but here I go again ... I vow that this year I WILL loose weight! I've taken the first step and brought the scale in from the shed. The scale has been in the shed since we moved into this house 6 1/2 years ago. The dust has all been removed and all cleaned up ... I swear it cried when I stepped on it. I tell you, I about puked ...

Looking forward to a lighter year!!!

Time flies ...

2005-12-12T20:53:00.000-06:00

The years have gone
how time sure flies
my boy now eleven
looks in my eyes

He looks for love
and happiness
When we talk of girls
he only grins.

He's growing so fast
I sure didn't think
I even had the time
for one little blink

Before much longer
my boy will be gone
Grown up to a man
boy, that didn't take long

This one thing in life
I hope that he knows
I always will love him
wherever he goes